Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Decisions, decisions, decisions - penned 1/23/13

I still do not have much to update, we haven't heard anything back from the school. I'm a little frustrated by the whole thing. Why does getting my little man the help he needs have to be so difficult and exhausting? We have considered relocating to ensure that Mr N gets the help he needs without such a burden on us. I called and spoke with the director of the preschool services in an area we are considering. Actually, I called and left a message, dreading the wait for a call back. Surprisingly she called back within a couple of hours. She was very helpful, explained the services they provide for 3-5 year olds and how all of the teachers in their preschools have their masters in early education, each school they serve is equipped with a speech pathologist, occupational therapist and physical therapist. In order to get him started we would merely bring his current IEP, his records and paperwork.

I'll be honest, I was completely floored by her response, I fully expected her to say they are short staffed, under budgeted, etc and that I should look elsewhere. I did not expect her to encourage us to come there and that they would love to have Mr N. I expected the same kind of procrastination and deflecting that we receive here. We've been told by people here that if we really want services we would be wise to move to other areas (out of their jurisdiction). Seriously? No wonder California has such poor reviews for autism services. Of course, I doubt every regional center is the same but they do not inspire my confidence in them when I'm expected to leave my very precious child in their very nonchalant hands.

Relocating involves so many variables, it is such a stressful thing to contemplate. For one, we just bought our house a year ago and we haven't finished remodeling. So we would be forced to sell a partially renovated home, in a less than ideal housing market. Second, we have to consider that Daddy may not be able to keep his job, that he loves. How do we deal with that? How does one go about requesting that their company allow them to relocate across the country, but keep their job? If that is not allowed, how could Daddy possibly find a job that he enjoys as much as this one?

Having a child with special needs certainly requires various sacrifices to insure the best possible future for the child, but choosing what to sacrifice is so very difficult. Do we sacrifice job? Do we sacrifice location? Do we sacrifice sanity?

My little man has so much to offer, so much progress to make, he can go places, but he really needs his therapies. I've seen what he can do, I've watched him make huge strides forward, I've seen struggles fall by the wayside as he moves forward. I don't want this to be his ending point, I want him continually moving forward, I want to see further progress. I want to see how far he can go. I have high hopes for him, but he can not do it without help.

I have spent countless hours praying for guidance and direction, hoping the path for our future is revealed giving us confidence about our decisions soon. The uncertainty of our future has become a major stressor.

Right now Mr N is crawling around with his head pushed down on the floor. I have to laugh, because when we were kids we used to love doing that at my grandparents house. I'm not sure why we only did it there, but we did, up and down the hall for hours. Mr N's pretend play has really been increasing lately, pretending to be a cat or dog with his sissy, is one of their favorite things to do.


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