Tears

Last night we went to the movie in the park and watched Mr Popper's Penguins. Before the show started the two kids in front of us got up to run around and play, E and Mr N joined them. At first Mr N just stood meekly beside his sister awaiting fun and games. The other two kids and E started running around but Mr N didn't follow, he didn't join in the fun, he seemed unsure what to do. Looking out seeing Mr N standing alone and the other three children playing caused my heart to ache. I fought back tears and encouraged Mr N to join in, since the kids were chasing each other, I said "go get sissy, go get her". After a bit of encouragement he joined in and really seemed to like the little girl (who was probably 6 y/o). When the movie was about to begin and the kids went back to their parents, Mr N followed the little girl.

Watching the above incident made me realize that my little guy just needs direction and reassurance. His autism prevents him from doing things naturally, but after he is encouraged and sees what to do he seems to quite enjoy interacting with other children.

This morning we arrived late to meeting, this is becoming a trend and I'm not really liking it; the back 4 rows were all full so we sat in the back room. Both kids did great the first 30 minutes, there was another family sitting back there with a little boy that is probably around three years old. He borrowed some books, but they left early so we didn't to talk to them after meeting. E had to use the restroom a little into the Watchtower study and when we came back the door was shut and there were two kiddos with their mom. The little girl visits pretty often, she just turned two. She sat with us the rest of the meeting, all three kids were pretty quiet but quite restless. Mr N looked at his book most of the time, then he started seeking sensory input. He licked the velcro on the blanket I made him, he walked back and forth in front of the book shelf and touched the books as he walked back and forth. He was just so overwhelmed by all of the stuff going on with the two kids that were in there. Not that the kids were bad or that distracting but the little boy kept playing with a puppet and moving around a lot, checking on his sister and E, then going back to his mom. The little girl kept getting new things out of my bag, notebooks, crayons, markers, lotion, etc. Just normal kid stuff but it really overwhelms my little guy. Once the lotion was out, he relaxed a little, he enjoys putting some on his hands and rubbing them together then rubbing some on his cheeks. The scent helps calm him, he apparently needs some sensory input in the form of smell.

Watching Mr N struggle to maintain appropriate behavior is so hard, I try not to get so emotional over him, but just watching him looking so overwhelmed causes me so much pain. I wish I could absorb his hurt and frustration. After meeting someone commented on how it looked like it was an easy meeting for me. While I didn't have to make any trips out to the car, Mr N really struggled today. Don't get me wrong, not going out to the car was very nice and it is progress, but I could barely pay attention due to constantly redirecting and keeping the kids quiet.

It will get better, it will take time, it will require patience and determination; as well as love, hugs, and tears. Mr N has made remarkable progress and I'm so proud of him, I just wish I could make him all better. I want his life to be easy, not for every day to be hard work.

On our way home from meeting there were a couple of cars pulled off, one with a flat tire. I saw what I thought was three girls, so I stopped and offered to help. It turned out to be two girls and a guy with long hair, none of whom knew how to change a tire, but at least they had a jack out that didn't work. I tried to change the tire with my jack, but it was too short since I drove the Jetta today. So I ran home to grab my husband and the floor jack then went back to finish the job. They were pretty grateful to not be stranded on the highway a few hours away from home all day. It felt good to do something nice for someone. On our way home from changing the tire we talked about how hard it is to be nice these days because it's become so dangerous. I typically don't stop but it was girls and they had two cars full of stuff unloaded on the highway from their camping trip. There would be no quick get away if it was a trap.

Time to go get the bathroom floor tiled, we got the floor leveled yesterday, today is tiling day! It'll be nice to make some big progress on it.