Ungrateful

I'm really struggling with the way things are going with therapy, I feel like I'm going to puke all the time. I'm afraid we are going to have to end therapy, due to our disagreeing on the methods. Why does it seem like I'm so ungrateful for the therapies we've received thus far? Why do I feel like a spoiled brat who seemingly tosses aside much desired therapy techniques?

In reality, I'm far from ungrateful, I'm so thankful that we've gotten help, that Mr N has made tremendous progress. I don't want to quit therapy, I want it to continue like it was before, when Mr N excitedly greeted his therapist at the door and spent hours engaged. I don't like feeling that I'm somewhat less of a parent because I won't allow my child to be pushed to edge and forced into meltdowns. I don't love my child any less because I chose not to let my child be succumbed to things, when I disagree. I strongly believe there is more than one way of succeeding. There are parents who allow their babies to cry it out in an attempt at sleep training, there are others that do not; as parents we all have to decide was is best for OUR children then we have to live with those decisions.

Will I be resigned to teaching him and attempting therapy myself? The thought is overwhelming and discouraging. He still needs the social growing and progress, that I alone can not give him. While I may be frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed to the max, I do know this, there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to help my son and no sacrifice too great to get him what he needs. I will ensure that his needs are met and that he continues to progress, with or without the help of a therapist.

 I typically try to highlight the progress Mr N is making and focus on his successes not his failures. I'm not blind to his shortcomings, but dwelling on them isn't productive. This doesn't mean I'm not aware or not trying to work on them. While I do think there are times that Mr N could pass for a neurotypical child by the general public, he still has some very obvious autistic tendencies.

 Something I'd like to address and clarify is that I've mentioned recovering or overcoming autism. The truth is my amazing little boy will always have autism, it will never go away, it is a lifelong disability, it is the way his brain is wired. When I speak of recovery, I use it in the sense that his symptoms will be unrecognizable and that he will no longer fit the diagnosis. I don't want any of my readers to have a false sense of hope that there is a "cure" or anyone to think I'm delusional and think he's going to be a neurotypical child.

 I canceled therapy for today, which didn't seem to surprise or disappoint the therapist. I do not think the last two days of therapy were at all beneficial for Mr N, I intend to play and work with him today and not start any more crazy projects. I do so hope that a gnome sneaks in to prime, paint, grout and other various things that need done, but if not I will get to them later. Today I need to spend relaxing and playing with my littles.