Yesterday I got up at 3:30am and made the journey to Palo Alto for the Autism Conference put on by Future Horizons, Inc. It was so worth losing sleep. I drank plenty of coffee and energy drinks to get me through the day. I didn't get back home until around 9:15pm, it was a very, very long day.
Now onto what you've been waiting to hear! I am going to break this down into three posts to keep it more organized, and so that I can use it for future reference.
The first speaker was Jennifer McIlwee Myers, she was diagnosed with Asperger's in her mid twenties after her 4 year old brother was diagnosed with Autism. Upon further investigation she discovered a lot of her family was also on the spectrum. Jennifer mentioned that she still has the obsession that we see so prevalent with kids on the spectrum. Many children are obsessed with one TV show and will watch it over and over, her little brother obsessed over Toy Story and now at 24 years old still carries some sort of Toy Story toy in his pocket, he still enjoys watching Toy Story and Nemo. Jennifer carries a map of Disney Land in her pocket because she never knows when she might need it, she also carries another little toy. She said they calm her and make her feel safe. She said that the obsession never goes away, and is likewise obsessed with her husband. Jennifer married her husband 18 years ago, and a few days ago she was at Starbucks when she thought she saw him out of the corner of her eye, her heart started racing and her lips got numb. She has felt that way since the day she met him and still feels the same way when she sees him.
Jennifer presented on "How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism or Asperger's". She really stressed the importance of needing to teach our kiddos skills that will last forever. They need skills that will enable them to function as an independent adult. It is more important for a child to learn how to cross a street safely than to master shape sorting or algebra. They must learn how to do things that will allow them to function in society, shopping, ordering food, crossing the street, etc.
Jennifer's mom did not know that Jennifer had Asperger's, but she did know that she needed to push her to enable her to do things so that she wouldn't be caring for Jennifer forever. She started with little things like making her ask for the key at the gas station so she could use the restroom.
Typical functioning children learn life skills by imitation, being told, and generalization of previously acquired knowledge. Our precious ASD and Aspies need to learn by experiences, lots and lots of experience and detailed examples. They do not generalize. You can teach a child in a class room that a stop sign on a poster means stop, but they will not relate that to the real world. They will not know that a stop sign in the real world means stop, they only know that the stop sign on the poster means stop.
When teaching children on the spectrum life skills every little thing needs broken down into smaller steps, you must prepare for every potential question that may arise in a given situation. Her example was her Dad tried to teach her brother how to order a Happy Meal at McDonalds. Once the cashier asked a question, it threw the boy into a meltdown. It was unexpected and scary for him. It took her dad 15-20 times before her brother mastered ordering his own Happy Meal. I must say, her Dad is an amazing, amazing person. So dedicated and devoted to helping his child.
I mentioned above that Jennifer still carries her obsessions in her pocket as well as her little brother. She suggested putting a basket by the front door that is big enough to hold a small toy, let the child chose one small toy that they can take with them when you leave the house. As the child gets older the toy gets smaller. Once they are too old to be carting toys around, they have to chose something that will fit in their pocket. Children on the spectrum get teased and bullied enough without adding to it by letting them carry around toys that are not age appropriate. We should make it our goal to help our children appear normal.
When discussing which skills to teach, she stressed that long term skills are more important than short term skills. Old skills must be untaught, children on the spectrum don't naturally drop the old skills. If you teach them to raise their hand and say "I need to pee on the potty" they will be 17 years old in class raising their hand saying "I need to pee on the potty". It would be more beneficial to teach them to request to "use the restroom".
Jennifer also touched a bit on Sensory Issues. She mentioned that no one on the spectrum guesses they have sensory issues, they do not know that they are sensing everything much more intensely than everyone else. Her aunt who is on the spectrum takes over a month to adjust to wearing short sleeves in the summer, she can't stand the feeling of the air touching her arms.
We must teach our children how to cope, things like shopping are a necessity, but we must teach them life skills to enable them to do so successfully. Jennifer used to go to the mall every Saturday because she knew that it was considered socially normal to go the mall on Saturday. She hated the mall because there are so many noises, smells, lights, etc. She did this for years before finding out that it's okay to not go to the mall. She also learned after many years that you can go into a store buy what you want and leave. Since she was trying to blend in with everyone else, she did what they do, she'd wander around and look at things for a while before leaving because everyone else wandered around and looked at things.
In this section she also discussed other life skills that will enable these kids to be successful. She mentioned the importance of getting plenty of exercise on a daily basis. More exercise means a better nights sleep. A lot of people on the spectrum have insomnia and exercise helps reduce insomnia.
Next she talked about how we need to set up our children to succeed. Sometimes it requires being sneaky and clever in order to help our children. She gave the example of her little brother needing new winter boots. His mom dropped him off at school then went and preshopped several stores until she found a store that had a good selection of boots in their price range so after he got out of school she could take him directly to one store to successfully buy a pair of boots. Her mom has my utmost respect, what an amazing, caring mother, knowing what will bother our kids and being able to prepare ahead of time to avoid major meltdowns.
She reiterated the importance of doing real life things with our children, over and over and over again. Teach them how to shop, buy food, etc. Then she discussed the importance of breaking everything down into baby steps. Teaching them to shop is a lot of complicated steps, teaching price comparison, teaching them what apples are, planning a shopping trip, etc. When using a picture of an apple, that is the only thing a child on the spectrum thinks an apple is, they don't generalize. They don't realize that apples can be different colors and shapes.
She stressed the importance of teaching kindness, manners, and how to say sorry. Being kind to others makes you like people more. Learning to say sorry will help others like you better. Jennifer talked about how painful a light touch is, she thought people were just being mean when they touched her lightly.
Jennifer also provided suggestions for teaching basic life skills through the use of chores. If your child can do it, let him! If they are physically capable, they should be doing it. She suggested using a chore chart as that makes it more official. It also builds team work skills, if the whole family is working together to do chores, they are working as a team. Give them age appropriate chores to do. Little ones like Mr N can put away their toys, bigger kids and sweep, take out the trash, and put dishes away. She said that just because someone is 24 and obsessed with Thomas the Train does not prevent them from taking out the trash.
Another thing that was addressed was using the things they love to teach them. I've read this in a couple of books, too. If they love trains, use trains to teach counting, colors, math, etc. Use what they love.
It is more important to be able to cross a street safely than have excellent fine motor skills. Jennifer still does not have good fine motor skills, she still spills a lot and has adjusted her life accordingly. She wears all black because it hides spills the best, if she wears a white shirt she takes 5 with her so she can change throughout the day as she spill on them. She can't be taught to not spill, she can only clean up when she does spill. She will never have good fine motor skills. She also mentioned that she has never caught up with motor skills, she still holds a pen with a death grip.
I think I've hit on most of the main points from her presentation. I feel like the more I learn, the more I know my son. Hearing from someone how it FEELS to experience these things certainly makes it easier for me to understand how he's feeling, what things might bother him, what things to avoid, and most importantly how I can help him.
I did not buy her book at the conference, but plan to do so after I'm done reading the other ones that I purchased.
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