Today Mr N woke up from his nap after his therapist had been here for a while. He looked right at her and said "hi", he was very happy to see her and eager to get started. He went right into the play room to get started.
He doesn't always have such a great wake up period after napping, often times it takes lots of cuddles and crying before he's calmed down. Mr N did some painting in therapy and putting puzzles together.
Since he slept through part of therapy he was not ready for his therapist to leave when it was time for her to go. But he did wave and say "bye bye" three times.
While Mr N napped his therapist and I talked a little about how much life changes when you have a child with special needs. It's so much our normal now that I have a hard time imagining life with two normal functioning kiddos. When I see parents doing things with kids Mr N's age and the way they react vs the way Mr N reacts, I think, "oh, right, Mr N would be doing that right now". When I talk to my SIL of my 20 month old niece I still can't believe how well and how much she talks, she's 10 months younger than Mr N. She probably has met more milestones than Mr N in speech, behavior, social skills, possibly even fine and gross motor skills.
Randomness to follow.....
Something Bethie said today made me think about the special people I have in my life. My husband is so special to me, he's so remarkable, everyone who knows him loves him. I feel so grateful that I have the privilege of sharing my life with him. I'm sure every parent thinks their child is so precious, special, and amazing; my husband's parents must be very proud of their son. I'm so honored to have the opportunity to know him, and thankful his family shares him with me.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Imitation
Much of Mr N's therapy focuses on teaching him to imitate. Normal functioning children naturally imitate everyone around them, they imitate their parents (ever hear a 3 year old properly execute a 4 letter word?), other kids, and they imitate what they see on TV. Children with Autism don't naturally imitate others, therapy focuses on teaching them to imitate sounds, facial expressions, playing, etc. Mr N is very lucky to have a big sister, she is vital to his progress. Mr N has really stepped up the imitation recently, he loves copying his big sister. While it's overwhelmingly cute to see him copy what she is doing, it's awesome to watch him knowing that him imitating her is progress and is profound.
If you read "The Black Cat" post you'll remember we recently got E a new stuffed cat, his name is Black and White. Mr N saw how much she loved Black and White and tries to take it from sissy and carry it around. We don't have another black and white cat, but we do have a black and white cow, it makes a great substitute. Mr N takes Mooly with him everywhere, just like E takes Black and White everywhere. If E is holding Black and White in the car, Mr N is holding Mooly. This is the first stuffed animal that Mr N has ever really been super interested in, it's so fun to watch.
Mr N has been a poor eater since the regression started, he is getting better, but still isn't great. If E eats, Mr N eats, he wants what she's having, he sits next to her, sometimes he actually eats it, other times he'll just sit there with his plate and wait for her to get done.
He's imitating us more and more, he'll imitate sounds that we make, he waves, blows kisses, claps, does high five, and fist bumps. Getting that response from him is such an amazing feeling.
In therapy today Mr N spent almost the entire time with his teacher, he came to look for me a few times, but she got lots of great stuff from him today. She had a CD with some great kids songs on it that she played and it teaches body parts and more imitating. There are specific programs that he is supposed to master before moving on, things that Mr N hasn't done yet. Today his therapist said something along the lines of who cares if he's mastering those things, the things he is doing is much better. I agree. He may not be saying "ma, mo, mi, mu, da do, di, du" but he is saying "mama, milk, help, hold, up, down, cat, cow, meow". He is also starting to string words together "a cat, a cow, no more".
What started as baby steps for my little guy now is turning into giant leaps.
I'm sitting here trying to finish up this entry but having a hard time staying focused, Mr N has his puppet blanket and is roaring like the bear. His bear gets his tummy, it kisses him, it roars at him, the sounds of his laughter as the bear chews on his tummy make my heart happy.
If you read "The Black Cat" post you'll remember we recently got E a new stuffed cat, his name is Black and White. Mr N saw how much she loved Black and White and tries to take it from sissy and carry it around. We don't have another black and white cat, but we do have a black and white cow, it makes a great substitute. Mr N takes Mooly with him everywhere, just like E takes Black and White everywhere. If E is holding Black and White in the car, Mr N is holding Mooly. This is the first stuffed animal that Mr N has ever really been super interested in, it's so fun to watch.
Mr N has been a poor eater since the regression started, he is getting better, but still isn't great. If E eats, Mr N eats, he wants what she's having, he sits next to her, sometimes he actually eats it, other times he'll just sit there with his plate and wait for her to get done.
He's imitating us more and more, he'll imitate sounds that we make, he waves, blows kisses, claps, does high five, and fist bumps. Getting that response from him is such an amazing feeling.
In therapy today Mr N spent almost the entire time with his teacher, he came to look for me a few times, but she got lots of great stuff from him today. She had a CD with some great kids songs on it that she played and it teaches body parts and more imitating. There are specific programs that he is supposed to master before moving on, things that Mr N hasn't done yet. Today his therapist said something along the lines of who cares if he's mastering those things, the things he is doing is much better. I agree. He may not be saying "ma, mo, mi, mu, da do, di, du" but he is saying "mama, milk, help, hold, up, down, cat, cow, meow". He is also starting to string words together "a cat, a cow, no more".
What started as baby steps for my little guy now is turning into giant leaps.
I'm sitting here trying to finish up this entry but having a hard time staying focused, Mr N has his puppet blanket and is roaring like the bear. His bear gets his tummy, it kisses him, it roars at him, the sounds of his laughter as the bear chews on his tummy make my heart happy.
Family
Family is such a funny thing, these people whom you are related to either by blood or by marriage. These people whom you love so much, you strive to please and make them proud. We love our family so much, yet it takes so little for them to crush us. They hold our hearts in the palms of their hands.
This family also has the ability to make us feel strong, proud, reassured, they give us the confidence, strength and reassurance to keep going. They build us up when we are down, they are our shoulder to cry on, the ones we turn to when we have a bad day, the first people we call with exciting news, the ones we share our most significant losses with and know our pains only too well.
I often feel I don't take enough time to express my love and appreciate for my family. I have an amazing family that means so much to me. My brothers, my sister in laws, my parents, grandparents are all such a significant part of my life, yet I wonder if they realize how much they mean to me.
I married into a wonderful family, as well. My sister in law and her husband are amazing people. They take caring to a whole new level, they genuinely care about those around them, they are passionate about the things they love. Their career choices show just how much they love and care about others.
In laws, ugh, aren't they such dreaded people? You hear all these horror stories about things mother in laws say to their daughter in laws. Marriage is when you put on a thick skin and barely tolerate your in laws, right? That couldn't be further from the truth for me. They welcomed me into the family with open arms and made me feel like I fit right in.
My mother in law and her husband are such wonderful people, they are not only loving and kind to their family and friends, but give to their community, too. You can hear the joy in their voices when the kids talk on the phone to them, no matter how brief the conversation is, they are delighted. They are truly beautiful people, inside and out.
My father in law and his wife are not evil, horrible people either! Shocking, huh? They are incredibly thoughtful, sweet, kind-hearted individuals. They are such a blessing to have in our lives. Just today they sent me flowers to express their love.
How do I deserve this wonderful family? I guess I should have expected great in laws when I married a great guy. That is where he learned his amazingness from, right? They live 32 hours away which makes visiting difficult and infrequent. With Mr N's therapy it makes this even more difficult since we are not supposed to miss any days of therapy.Thankfully, they are understanding.
I can only hope that the love I have for all these amazing people, that I'm lucky enough to be related to, is felt by all of them.
To the family members that read my blog, I love you. <3
This family also has the ability to make us feel strong, proud, reassured, they give us the confidence, strength and reassurance to keep going. They build us up when we are down, they are our shoulder to cry on, the ones we turn to when we have a bad day, the first people we call with exciting news, the ones we share our most significant losses with and know our pains only too well.
I often feel I don't take enough time to express my love and appreciate for my family. I have an amazing family that means so much to me. My brothers, my sister in laws, my parents, grandparents are all such a significant part of my life, yet I wonder if they realize how much they mean to me.
I married into a wonderful family, as well. My sister in law and her husband are amazing people. They take caring to a whole new level, they genuinely care about those around them, they are passionate about the things they love. Their career choices show just how much they love and care about others.
In laws, ugh, aren't they such dreaded people? You hear all these horror stories about things mother in laws say to their daughter in laws. Marriage is when you put on a thick skin and barely tolerate your in laws, right? That couldn't be further from the truth for me. They welcomed me into the family with open arms and made me feel like I fit right in.
My mother in law and her husband are such wonderful people, they are not only loving and kind to their family and friends, but give to their community, too. You can hear the joy in their voices when the kids talk on the phone to them, no matter how brief the conversation is, they are delighted. They are truly beautiful people, inside and out.
My father in law and his wife are not evil, horrible people either! Shocking, huh? They are incredibly thoughtful, sweet, kind-hearted individuals. They are such a blessing to have in our lives. Just today they sent me flowers to express their love.
How do I deserve this wonderful family? I guess I should have expected great in laws when I married a great guy. That is where he learned his amazingness from, right? They live 32 hours away which makes visiting difficult and infrequent. With Mr N's therapy it makes this even more difficult since we are not supposed to miss any days of therapy.Thankfully, they are understanding.
I can only hope that the love I have for all these amazing people, that I'm lucky enough to be related to, is felt by all of them.
To the family members that read my blog, I love you. <3
Reflecting
I've been working on this post for several weeks. As I think of new things I want to post that don't quite fit into my daily posts, I add them here.
When we first started down this journey, arranging for therapy and determining Mr N's needs they asked "What would you like to see changed?"
How, as a parent, do you answer that? What would I change about Mr N? The only thing I could think of is his language, I want him to be able to communicate, he doesn't even need to be a chatterbox, I just need him to communicate his needs, wants, desires, tell me what's bugging him, tell me what would make him feel better. I don't want to change anything about my little guy, I love him and wouldn't change a thing. I just want him to not suffer. I love his cuddles, I don't mind that he's shy, none of his quirks bother me. He is the sweetest, most lovable little boy I've ever known, what could I change?
During the initial evaluation process we were asked so many questions about Mr N, to many of them I didn't know the answer. Each time I said "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" I wondered what they must think of me, I am his mother, how do I not know these important questions that determine the diagnosis of my son?
I think back to when Mr N was first born, I was on medication to control the pain from the c-section, I was so out of it. I don't really remember his first few weeks. I remember months later asking my husband if I was a good mommy to him and if I loved him. The reply almost killed me, he said "you didn't really like him". Tears. How couldn't I like this amazing, lovable child? How was I not interested in his every coo, his every smile, his every cuddle? Months later I was diagnosed with PPD, I wish I had gotten help sooner. I still sometimes wonder if I'd been a better mother, more attentive, more loving, and more patient if we wouldn't be where we are today.
I am sure my situation made PPD more likely, I hated where we lived, we had no friends or family near. Honestly, I'm surprised I wasn't horribly depressed the entire two years we lived there. While we still don't have any family near, we are now in a beautiful area, I love where we live, I actually have friends. It's a weird feeling finally making a new friend after not having any in such a long time. It's amazing how much of a difference having friends makes. I'm very grateful for my new friends.
After we received Mr N's diagnosis I was a mess for such a long time. I just didn't know how I was going to handle everything. I was so overwhelmed and felt so under qualified to provide what he needed. At a recent meeting the talk was on hope and how much of an impact hope can make on your life. Hope can change your entire outlook, hope changes everything. Once I started reading Overcoming Autism I finally had hope. My outlook changed, I still worry, I still stress, I still have fear, but I have hope. I now know that Mr N can recover with minimal residual symptoms, I know that there is a chance that he'll lead a very successful life. Hope is such a precious thing, and I hold onto this hope every single day when I look into his beautiful eyes.
When we first started down this journey, arranging for therapy and determining Mr N's needs they asked "What would you like to see changed?"
How, as a parent, do you answer that? What would I change about Mr N? The only thing I could think of is his language, I want him to be able to communicate, he doesn't even need to be a chatterbox, I just need him to communicate his needs, wants, desires, tell me what's bugging him, tell me what would make him feel better. I don't want to change anything about my little guy, I love him and wouldn't change a thing. I just want him to not suffer. I love his cuddles, I don't mind that he's shy, none of his quirks bother me. He is the sweetest, most lovable little boy I've ever known, what could I change?
During the initial evaluation process we were asked so many questions about Mr N, to many of them I didn't know the answer. Each time I said "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" I wondered what they must think of me, I am his mother, how do I not know these important questions that determine the diagnosis of my son?
I think back to when Mr N was first born, I was on medication to control the pain from the c-section, I was so out of it. I don't really remember his first few weeks. I remember months later asking my husband if I was a good mommy to him and if I loved him. The reply almost killed me, he said "you didn't really like him". Tears. How couldn't I like this amazing, lovable child? How was I not interested in his every coo, his every smile, his every cuddle? Months later I was diagnosed with PPD, I wish I had gotten help sooner. I still sometimes wonder if I'd been a better mother, more attentive, more loving, and more patient if we wouldn't be where we are today.
I am sure my situation made PPD more likely, I hated where we lived, we had no friends or family near. Honestly, I'm surprised I wasn't horribly depressed the entire two years we lived there. While we still don't have any family near, we are now in a beautiful area, I love where we live, I actually have friends. It's a weird feeling finally making a new friend after not having any in such a long time. It's amazing how much of a difference having friends makes. I'm very grateful for my new friends.
After we received Mr N's diagnosis I was a mess for such a long time. I just didn't know how I was going to handle everything. I was so overwhelmed and felt so under qualified to provide what he needed. At a recent meeting the talk was on hope and how much of an impact hope can make on your life. Hope can change your entire outlook, hope changes everything. Once I started reading Overcoming Autism I finally had hope. My outlook changed, I still worry, I still stress, I still have fear, but I have hope. I now know that Mr N can recover with minimal residual symptoms, I know that there is a chance that he'll lead a very successful life. Hope is such a precious thing, and I hold onto this hope every single day when I look into his beautiful eyes.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Progress
Friday Daddy worked from home to avoid the weekend traffic. Again, I was concerned that Mr N wouldn't stay focused during therapy, that he wouldn't have any great breakthroughs since he's had so many great days in the last week.
Surprise! Mr N broke his 26 minute record of alone time with the therapist. He spent over an hour working one on one with his therapist. She was working with him outside and they had gone down the driveway, he was so engrossed in what they were doing that she had to say "let's go find Mommy" to get him to come back up to the house. Astonishing! I can't believe that my little guy is making such great strides!
At meeting on Sunday several people mentioned how much of a difference they can tell in Mr N. He's talking so much more, he doesn't mind when people touch him, his willingness to run around and play with other children. I know I see these things because I feel like I'm constantly watching and paying attention to every single thing he does, constantly evaluating his progress. But to have other people notice his progress? It's such a great feeling. I'm so proud of him!
<3
Surprise! Mr N broke his 26 minute record of alone time with the therapist. He spent over an hour working one on one with his therapist. She was working with him outside and they had gone down the driveway, he was so engrossed in what they were doing that she had to say "let's go find Mommy" to get him to come back up to the house. Astonishing! I can't believe that my little guy is making such great strides!
At meeting on Sunday several people mentioned how much of a difference they can tell in Mr N. He's talking so much more, he doesn't mind when people touch him, his willingness to run around and play with other children. I know I see these things because I feel like I'm constantly watching and paying attention to every single thing he does, constantly evaluating his progress. But to have other people notice his progress? It's such a great feeling. I'm so proud of him!
<3
Thursday, May 24, 2012
New Supervisor
Mr N's therapist's supervisor is leaving the company and being replaced by an experienced therapist. Today for therapy we had his regular therapist, the old therapist, and the new therapist. Mr N did remarkably well for having a full house. When the supervisor accompanies the therapist there isn't a lot of work done with the child, they spend most of the time going over his progress and setting new goals. They are planning to adjust Mr N's goals since he won't say "mo" and various other things, but will say "roll", "dog", "cat" etc imitating the therapist. So hopefully his progress will show more on paper now.
I'm hoping with this goal adjustment that he'll continue to improve his vocabulary and increase his social skills. I wish there was just a bit more emphasis on verbalization and speech, even though it's not the therapist's job to work on his speech.
Today they suggested we have a sensory evaluation done to find out what kind of sensory input he needs. We could find better ways for him to get those sensory needs, even though he is really good at seeking out things that provide them, it'd be nice to have things on hand that would be easy for him to access.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Breakthroughs
After Mr N played so well last night with another child, I didn't expect any more breakthroughs anytime soon.
I'll start with the amazing feat....Mr N asked his therapist to pick him up so he could pick leaves, he let her hold him for several minutes. I can't even begin to describe how incredible this feeling of pride, happiness, and just utter shock that is running through my brain. He let someone hold him, he asked someone to hold him. The last time someone other than Mommy or Daddy held him for more than a few seconds was when he was nine months old. NINE MONTHS OLD. It's been 20 months since someone else has held him. Amazing. My little man is gonna make it. We are doing this! We are saving him!
I'll back up to include the rest of the day & therapy now. :) Mr N took a very long nap that ran into the beginning of his therapy session. Once he woke up he was a little cranky but he quickly calmed down and joined the therapist in the play room along with Mommy and Sissy. We sang and danced and he worked on a puzzle, once he was mellowed out Sissy and I headed outside to let Mr N get to work with his therapist. They painted and he didn't even mind when we came back in for a potty break, then we headed back outside. He stayed engaged for quite a while with his therapist with some one on one time.
I am so astounded by his accomplishments I can't even think straight. How do we go from worry and scaredness to elation and excitement in such short time? I need to remember to come back and read this when that worry creeps in, when he has bad days I need to remember the good days. His bad days aren't that bad and his good days are exceptionally good. My little man is doing it! He's growing and blossoming.
Mr N makes my heart happy.
Daddy arrived home <3 with gifts for the kids, a space Hello Kitty for E and a space monkey for Mr N. They both love the Hello Kitty, Mr N slapped away the monkey, then threw him when we gave it back to him. Hopefully Daddy doesn't take it too personally.
Sidenote: E got her replacement black cat today. She named him "Black and White" since he has white markings on his face and paws. She also was trying to teach the deer to fetch today. I haven't broken it to her that they aren't actually our pets even though they are frequently in our yard.
I got the griller/smoker assembled and even started it since it's supposed to smoke out before first use. I love the smell of charcoal. Today feels like a good day.
I'll start with the amazing feat....Mr N asked his therapist to pick him up so he could pick leaves, he let her hold him for several minutes. I can't even begin to describe how incredible this feeling of pride, happiness, and just utter shock that is running through my brain. He let someone hold him, he asked someone to hold him. The last time someone other than Mommy or Daddy held him for more than a few seconds was when he was nine months old. NINE MONTHS OLD. It's been 20 months since someone else has held him. Amazing. My little man is gonna make it. We are doing this! We are saving him!
I'll back up to include the rest of the day & therapy now. :) Mr N took a very long nap that ran into the beginning of his therapy session. Once he woke up he was a little cranky but he quickly calmed down and joined the therapist in the play room along with Mommy and Sissy. We sang and danced and he worked on a puzzle, once he was mellowed out Sissy and I headed outside to let Mr N get to work with his therapist. They painted and he didn't even mind when we came back in for a potty break, then we headed back outside. He stayed engaged for quite a while with his therapist with some one on one time.
I am so astounded by his accomplishments I can't even think straight. How do we go from worry and scaredness to elation and excitement in such short time? I need to remember to come back and read this when that worry creeps in, when he has bad days I need to remember the good days. His bad days aren't that bad and his good days are exceptionally good. My little man is doing it! He's growing and blossoming.
Mr N makes my heart happy.
Daddy arrived home <3 with gifts for the kids, a space Hello Kitty for E and a space monkey for Mr N. They both love the Hello Kitty, Mr N slapped away the monkey, then threw him when we gave it back to him. Hopefully Daddy doesn't take it too personally.
Sidenote: E got her replacement black cat today. She named him "Black and White" since he has white markings on his face and paws. She also was trying to teach the deer to fetch today. I haven't broken it to her that they aren't actually our pets even though they are frequently in our yard.
I got the griller/smoker assembled and even started it since it's supposed to smoke out before first use. I love the smell of charcoal. Today feels like a good day.
Daddyless
Monday
Yesterday Daddy went out of state for a conference. It will be interesting to see how Mr N does during therapy this week. This morning he woke up in a good mood after a great nights sleep, he helped me pick up toys in the play room, then had breakfast outside with his sister and played a bit. Now he's cuddling with Mommy and watching a movie.
Mommy, on the other hand, is really missing Daddy. I didn't sleep well last night, I didn't get to spend yesterday with my man, I didn't get to cuddle him, I have only gotten to talk to him on the phone for a couple of minutes last night and again this morning. I miss my honey.
My little E fell off the patio chair and scraped up her knees, elbows and hands. Somehow owies are much worse when Daddy isn't home.
Recently, Mr N has started being bothered by tags in shirts. Thankfully most of his shirts are tagless, so it's not a huge issue, just another thing I've noticed. He's been bothered by button up shirts for a long time, I'm not sure if it's the buttons or the motion of putting his arms into the sleeves. They seem to be less bothersome if we slip it over his head.
Mr N is sitting beside me playing a spelling game on his iPad, where he matches the letters up on sight words and then it spells the word and says it. He just did "blue" then he said "blue". My heart soars when he says new words and learns things.
We cancelled therapy for Monday, both kids had fevers and Mommy felt lousy.
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Tuesday
Hopefully today goes better, by yesterday evening we all seemed to be feeling better.
OMG! The kids are watching Leap Frog: Numbers Ahoy and they count a bunch, Mr N just said "eight" a few times as they were counting! Yay! I recently got them Leap Frog: Amazing Alphabet, too, in hopes that these two movies will help him learn the alphabet and his numbers. They are far more entertaining than Mommy singing them and playing with blocks, not that I'll stop; but I figure this will reinforce counting & alphabet learning.
Mr N was excited when his therapist arrived for therapy. The first task involved playing with play doh. I found a set of tools the other day that has rolling pins and stamps, the kids both loved them. While playing with the therapist he said "roll" a bunch of times as he rolled out the play doh! He said a new word for his therapist!
After play doh time wrapped up we went outside and played, Mr N did touch tree a few times and we caught a caterpillar and an ugly bug. Mr N wasn't super interested, but E loves bug time.
We returned inside and Mr N immediately started playing with the play doh and tools. He fell asleep towards the end of therapy and slept for 30ish minutes before waking up cranky. He wanted to go in the car and get buckled in his seat. He refused to wave good bye to the therapist. He sat in the car for 20ish minutes, he kept trying to say something. It breaks my heart when he's looking me in the eye saying something and working so hard to say it and I don't understand. He has to be so frustrated, he works so hard to make these words come, I wish it wasn't so hard for him. My poor baby boy. It makes me that much more proud when he does say words, knowing the effort involved.
Mr N did amazing at meeting, Mommy had a part and Mr N sat in the car with Tonya while Mommy was on stage. When I got back out to the car he was laughing and giggling, Tonya said he wanted her to play with him. After meeting, Mr N ran around and played with E and another little girl. It's the first time he's ever engaged in appropriate play with another child. He was holding her hand, sitting next to her, following her around, giving her hugs, etc. Just last week we were at the park and there were other kids there and while he didn't hit or push them away, he didn't engage them. It was such a beautiful thing seeing my little boy act like any other little boy, I kept watching him with tears in my eyes thinking "where the hello kitty is my son?". He played for 20-30 minutes without ever coming to me, he'd make sure I hadn't left but he didn't need held or cuddled like he usually does. This is huge, he's progressing. His social skills are improving!
On the drive home I tried to hold back the tears of joy. Thinking the entire time, he's gonna be ok, he's gonna be ok, he's gonna be ok. He has to be ok, I can't accept any other future for him. He will succeed, he will be independent. I have to believe!
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Wednesday
Daddy comes home today! In fact, he should be home earlier than usual since he's not planning on stopping at the office on his way home from the airport. The kids are excited, I'm sure I'll hear "what number is he?" 100 times today from E, she always wants to know how many miles he has left. I'm thinking I should tackle the griller/smoker project and get it put together and set up so that I can grill for dinner.
This morning we took the recycling to the recycling center, and then stopped at the store for bananas. When we first got up this morning Mr N grabbed his iPad and went to the flash card app and found the bananas and said "nana" a few times. I figured that deserved bananas. While we were at the store he picked out Ritz crackers, one of his favorite foods. He just doesn't like giving his treasures to the cashier to ring up, when I gave them back to him he said "good boy?", I said "yes, good boy" then he said "I know" pretty clearly. It was clear enough the cashier laughed and said "I think he said 'I know'". People are understanding him.
E's new black cat is scheduled for delivery today, it is a black cat with some white marking on it's face. I asked her what she wanted to name her new cat, she matter of factly said "black and white, that is his name, black and white". There you have it, that was easier than I expected.
Mr N just said "milk please". This is the first time he's said "please" and while "milk please" doesn't sound anything like "milk please" to anyone else, it's the way he says it and it counts, it's communication, it's verbalization, he's talking, he's requesting, he's stringing words together. He has said "thank you" since long before he regressed, it was just much easier to understand before the regression.
I wonder what makes some of his speech so much clearer than other parts. Why is "no more", "good boy", "car", "eat" so easy to understand but "milk", "banana", "head", "nose", and "mouth" so difficult to understand?
Today is a good day, I'm feeling more positive about Mr N's future, more certain that he'll be ok, more sure of what we're doing. Progress is such a beautiful thing.
Yesterday Daddy went out of state for a conference. It will be interesting to see how Mr N does during therapy this week. This morning he woke up in a good mood after a great nights sleep, he helped me pick up toys in the play room, then had breakfast outside with his sister and played a bit. Now he's cuddling with Mommy and watching a movie.
Mommy, on the other hand, is really missing Daddy. I didn't sleep well last night, I didn't get to spend yesterday with my man, I didn't get to cuddle him, I have only gotten to talk to him on the phone for a couple of minutes last night and again this morning. I miss my honey.
My little E fell off the patio chair and scraped up her knees, elbows and hands. Somehow owies are much worse when Daddy isn't home.
Recently, Mr N has started being bothered by tags in shirts. Thankfully most of his shirts are tagless, so it's not a huge issue, just another thing I've noticed. He's been bothered by button up shirts for a long time, I'm not sure if it's the buttons or the motion of putting his arms into the sleeves. They seem to be less bothersome if we slip it over his head.
Mr N is sitting beside me playing a spelling game on his iPad, where he matches the letters up on sight words and then it spells the word and says it. He just did "blue" then he said "blue". My heart soars when he says new words and learns things.
We cancelled therapy for Monday, both kids had fevers and Mommy felt lousy.
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Tuesday
Hopefully today goes better, by yesterday evening we all seemed to be feeling better.
OMG! The kids are watching Leap Frog: Numbers Ahoy and they count a bunch, Mr N just said "eight" a few times as they were counting! Yay! I recently got them Leap Frog: Amazing Alphabet, too, in hopes that these two movies will help him learn the alphabet and his numbers. They are far more entertaining than Mommy singing them and playing with blocks, not that I'll stop; but I figure this will reinforce counting & alphabet learning.
Mr N was excited when his therapist arrived for therapy. The first task involved playing with play doh. I found a set of tools the other day that has rolling pins and stamps, the kids both loved them. While playing with the therapist he said "roll" a bunch of times as he rolled out the play doh! He said a new word for his therapist!
After play doh time wrapped up we went outside and played, Mr N did touch tree a few times and we caught a caterpillar and an ugly bug. Mr N wasn't super interested, but E loves bug time.
We returned inside and Mr N immediately started playing with the play doh and tools. He fell asleep towards the end of therapy and slept for 30ish minutes before waking up cranky. He wanted to go in the car and get buckled in his seat. He refused to wave good bye to the therapist. He sat in the car for 20ish minutes, he kept trying to say something. It breaks my heart when he's looking me in the eye saying something and working so hard to say it and I don't understand. He has to be so frustrated, he works so hard to make these words come, I wish it wasn't so hard for him. My poor baby boy. It makes me that much more proud when he does say words, knowing the effort involved.
Mr N did amazing at meeting, Mommy had a part and Mr N sat in the car with Tonya while Mommy was on stage. When I got back out to the car he was laughing and giggling, Tonya said he wanted her to play with him. After meeting, Mr N ran around and played with E and another little girl. It's the first time he's ever engaged in appropriate play with another child. He was holding her hand, sitting next to her, following her around, giving her hugs, etc. Just last week we were at the park and there were other kids there and while he didn't hit or push them away, he didn't engage them. It was such a beautiful thing seeing my little boy act like any other little boy, I kept watching him with tears in my eyes thinking "where the hello kitty is my son?". He played for 20-30 minutes without ever coming to me, he'd make sure I hadn't left but he didn't need held or cuddled like he usually does. This is huge, he's progressing. His social skills are improving!
On the drive home I tried to hold back the tears of joy. Thinking the entire time, he's gonna be ok, he's gonna be ok, he's gonna be ok. He has to be ok, I can't accept any other future for him. He will succeed, he will be independent. I have to believe!
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Wednesday
Daddy comes home today! In fact, he should be home earlier than usual since he's not planning on stopping at the office on his way home from the airport. The kids are excited, I'm sure I'll hear "what number is he?" 100 times today from E, she always wants to know how many miles he has left. I'm thinking I should tackle the griller/smoker project and get it put together and set up so that I can grill for dinner.
This morning we took the recycling to the recycling center, and then stopped at the store for bananas. When we first got up this morning Mr N grabbed his iPad and went to the flash card app and found the bananas and said "nana" a few times. I figured that deserved bananas. While we were at the store he picked out Ritz crackers, one of his favorite foods. He just doesn't like giving his treasures to the cashier to ring up, when I gave them back to him he said "good boy?", I said "yes, good boy" then he said "I know" pretty clearly. It was clear enough the cashier laughed and said "I think he said 'I know'". People are understanding him.
E's new black cat is scheduled for delivery today, it is a black cat with some white marking on it's face. I asked her what she wanted to name her new cat, she matter of factly said "black and white, that is his name, black and white". There you have it, that was easier than I expected.
Mr N just said "milk please". This is the first time he's said "please" and while "milk please" doesn't sound anything like "milk please" to anyone else, it's the way he says it and it counts, it's communication, it's verbalization, he's talking, he's requesting, he's stringing words together. He has said "thank you" since long before he regressed, it was just much easier to understand before the regression.
I wonder what makes some of his speech so much clearer than other parts. Why is "no more", "good boy", "car", "eat" so easy to understand but "milk", "banana", "head", "nose", and "mouth" so difficult to understand?
Today is a good day, I'm feeling more positive about Mr N's future, more certain that he'll be ok, more sure of what we're doing. Progress is such a beautiful thing.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Catching Up
I didn't post about therapy on Friday, and I really wanted to, so I'll just take a few minutes here to do it.
Daddy worked from home on Friday afternoon, I was intrigued to see how Mr N would do with Mr Awesome around. He did pretty well, he worked in the play room one on one with the therapist for a while, I got a chance to read to E. Curiosity was getting to Daddy, so he peeked in a few times, even came outside a couple times to see how Mr N was doing. Mr N stayed pretty focused and didn't let Daddy being here distract him.
I remembered Wednesday that Mr N's infant teacher had mentioned shutting off the ceiling fans and seeing if Mr N's behavior improved, so I tried that for Thursday & Friday, it seemed to help. I still tend to forget just how difficult day to day life is for my precious little. Things I just don't think about over stimulate him and make it hard for him to focus and stay on task.
After Daddy was done with work we attempted a hike but they must have moved a mosquito farm onto the hiking trail so we aborted our mission and ran back to the car, narrowly escaping certain death. We survived with only a few mosquito bites. We went for a short drive then just decided playing at home with the kids would be fun enough.
Saturday we set out on our longest hike yet. The kids walked two of the five miles themselves, we packed them the rest of the way. We got to see some pretty flowers, trees, and amazing waterfalls. Mr N loves the outdoors, he points to the river any time he sees it while we are hiking, he can spend hours throwing rocks in the water with his sister. Carrying a stick, as long as it is bigger than sissy's, completes his hiking experience. We spent about four hours hiking in and out, and were quite exhausted by the time we returned to our vehicle. We were hungry, thirsty, sweaty, and hot. My over packing skills were much appreciated as everyone got fresh drinks and snacks. After dinner we went to Lowe's and got a griller/smoker that will hold up to 50 lbs of meat, who doesn't cook 50 lbs at a time? I'm sure 50 lbs is an exaggeration, but it was an excessive amount of meat. Since I'm not much of a carnivore, I'm looking forward to grilling a veggie burger when I get around to setting it up.
Today Mr N had a meltdown before meeting which set the tone for the day. He did pretty well the first 20 minutes, then we had to head out to the car. He wanted buckled in, like usual. We attempted to go back in several times to no avail. It was a bit warm out today so the multiple trips lugging kids in and out was exhausting. Mr N had another meltdown before we left, we'd gone back inside and I was packing up our stuff and chatting with friends and he started to tantrum. We not so gracefully clambered out to our car only to realize that Mr N had locked the doors before we went in for the last time.
After lunch, the kids played outside, mostly in the pool and with the sprinkler while I watered the garden and mowed. While we were chilling for a while outside Mr N said "deer" and pointed off the deck, it was bright and hard to see and it took me a few minutes to find it, but sure enough there was a deer. I was so excited, he said something and it was understandable enough that I knew what he was talking about without seeing it. Progress.
Daddy worked from home on Friday afternoon, I was intrigued to see how Mr N would do with Mr Awesome around. He did pretty well, he worked in the play room one on one with the therapist for a while, I got a chance to read to E. Curiosity was getting to Daddy, so he peeked in a few times, even came outside a couple times to see how Mr N was doing. Mr N stayed pretty focused and didn't let Daddy being here distract him.
I remembered Wednesday that Mr N's infant teacher had mentioned shutting off the ceiling fans and seeing if Mr N's behavior improved, so I tried that for Thursday & Friday, it seemed to help. I still tend to forget just how difficult day to day life is for my precious little. Things I just don't think about over stimulate him and make it hard for him to focus and stay on task.
After Daddy was done with work we attempted a hike but they must have moved a mosquito farm onto the hiking trail so we aborted our mission and ran back to the car, narrowly escaping certain death. We survived with only a few mosquito bites. We went for a short drive then just decided playing at home with the kids would be fun enough.
Saturday we set out on our longest hike yet. The kids walked two of the five miles themselves, we packed them the rest of the way. We got to see some pretty flowers, trees, and amazing waterfalls. Mr N loves the outdoors, he points to the river any time he sees it while we are hiking, he can spend hours throwing rocks in the water with his sister. Carrying a stick, as long as it is bigger than sissy's, completes his hiking experience. We spent about four hours hiking in and out, and were quite exhausted by the time we returned to our vehicle. We were hungry, thirsty, sweaty, and hot. My over packing skills were much appreciated as everyone got fresh drinks and snacks. After dinner we went to Lowe's and got a griller/smoker that will hold up to 50 lbs of meat, who doesn't cook 50 lbs at a time? I'm sure 50 lbs is an exaggeration, but it was an excessive amount of meat. Since I'm not much of a carnivore, I'm looking forward to grilling a veggie burger when I get around to setting it up.
Today Mr N had a meltdown before meeting which set the tone for the day. He did pretty well the first 20 minutes, then we had to head out to the car. He wanted buckled in, like usual. We attempted to go back in several times to no avail. It was a bit warm out today so the multiple trips lugging kids in and out was exhausting. Mr N had another meltdown before we left, we'd gone back inside and I was packing up our stuff and chatting with friends and he started to tantrum. We not so gracefully clambered out to our car only to realize that Mr N had locked the doors before we went in for the last time.
After lunch, the kids played outside, mostly in the pool and with the sprinkler while I watered the garden and mowed. While we were chilling for a while outside Mr N said "deer" and pointed off the deck, it was bright and hard to see and it took me a few minutes to find it, but sure enough there was a deer. I was so excited, he said something and it was understandable enough that I knew what he was talking about without seeing it. Progress.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Appreciation
I appreciate the gifts God has bestowed upon me, these precious two little ones are my whole world. I appreciate having such an amazing husband, such an excellent partner in my life, a true companion. I appreciate all that I've been given and do not take for granted good health, employment, and a home. I appreciate Mr N's therapist and her dedication to helping my son, it means the world to me.
I try to never take for granted all that I have, knowing that it all could be gone in the blink of an eye. You frequently read or hear stories about spouses who didn't appreciate what they had until it was gone. I never want to walk in their shoes. Daily I try to express my thanks and appreciation to my husband for all that he does to provide for us. I realize I talk about my husband A LOT, I will not apologize. Divorce rates are at 50%, parents of children with Autism divorce rates are at an astounding 80%, I do not want to join them.
My husband treats me with love, dignity, and respect; he frequently tells me how incredibly happy he is with this life we've built together, how much he loves me, how much he thinks about me, and how great he thinks I am as a mother. I'm not ignorant, I know not all marriages are like this, I know I've been blessed with this wonderful man who genuinely loves and cares about me and our children. This man whose heart is just as invested as mine, in our children; I'm so glad he's mine. I've seen the pain in his eyes when he watches his son struggle. He is just as much in this as me, we are a team.
Whenever a decision comes up regarding treatment for Mr N, I'm almost certain what Daddy's response will be, but we discuss it together weighing the pros and cons. He wants to be involved in this process, he doesn't just want to know what happens after the fact. I appreciate this about him. Many parents of autistic children do not agree on treatment methods, do not agree on the therapy, some are in denial and refuse treatment all together; it's a heavy load to bear.
Last night after Daddy got home from work, we played Ring-Around-The-Rosie and Sleeping Giant. The kids squealed with delight as Daddy awoke from his pretend slumber and scared them. He makes a much better giant than Mommy, just ask E. Watching the kids so happy, seeing the joy on my husband's face as he played toddler games made me feel like the luckiest girl alive. I love my little family.
Today I'm missing my husband, it is just another day, but by Friday I've grown weary and the work week seems so long and endless. I shamelessly begged my love to work from home this afternoon, so I can at least hug him and have him home for more of the evening. He is on his way, I haven't told the kids, the joy and surprised looks on their faces are too priceless to ruin this gift of Daddy being home early. Even if he will be working, it'll be nice having him here. This will be Daddy's first time meeting the therapist and being able to observe therapy. Hopefully Mr N shines like a star and makes us all proud.
I try to never take for granted all that I have, knowing that it all could be gone in the blink of an eye. You frequently read or hear stories about spouses who didn't appreciate what they had until it was gone. I never want to walk in their shoes. Daily I try to express my thanks and appreciation to my husband for all that he does to provide for us. I realize I talk about my husband A LOT, I will not apologize. Divorce rates are at 50%, parents of children with Autism divorce rates are at an astounding 80%, I do not want to join them.
My husband treats me with love, dignity, and respect; he frequently tells me how incredibly happy he is with this life we've built together, how much he loves me, how much he thinks about me, and how great he thinks I am as a mother. I'm not ignorant, I know not all marriages are like this, I know I've been blessed with this wonderful man who genuinely loves and cares about me and our children. This man whose heart is just as invested as mine, in our children; I'm so glad he's mine. I've seen the pain in his eyes when he watches his son struggle. He is just as much in this as me, we are a team.
Whenever a decision comes up regarding treatment for Mr N, I'm almost certain what Daddy's response will be, but we discuss it together weighing the pros and cons. He wants to be involved in this process, he doesn't just want to know what happens after the fact. I appreciate this about him. Many parents of autistic children do not agree on treatment methods, do not agree on the therapy, some are in denial and refuse treatment all together; it's a heavy load to bear.
Last night after Daddy got home from work, we played Ring-Around-The-Rosie and Sleeping Giant. The kids squealed with delight as Daddy awoke from his pretend slumber and scared them. He makes a much better giant than Mommy, just ask E. Watching the kids so happy, seeing the joy on my husband's face as he played toddler games made me feel like the luckiest girl alive. I love my little family.
Today I'm missing my husband, it is just another day, but by Friday I've grown weary and the work week seems so long and endless. I shamelessly begged my love to work from home this afternoon, so I can at least hug him and have him home for more of the evening. He is on his way, I haven't told the kids, the joy and surprised looks on their faces are too priceless to ruin this gift of Daddy being home early. Even if he will be working, it'll be nice having him here. This will be Daddy's first time meeting the therapist and being able to observe therapy. Hopefully Mr N shines like a star and makes us all proud.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Grocery Getting
I gave in and went to town to get groceries today, the empty fridge inspired me not to put it off for 5 more days like I intended.
As I was driving along and the two lanes merged into one and everyone raced ahead to get to the front of the line it made me think of how I'm racing to get Mr N all this help before it's too late. I've read conflicting information saying children respond best before 5, and others say 7. Mr N isn't quite 2.5 yet but I really want this to work. I want him to be ok. I was reading some more the other day in a news article that was talking about a 14 y/o who had been in therapy for 10 years. TEN YEARS! I don't know the statistics, but I do know that many children with autism need 24 hour care their entire lives. I know Mr N is awesome and amazing and was diagnosed as "mild to moderate", but I want a guarantee that he will succeed. He's so happy, he's so sweet, he's so lovable, he's so easy going and easy to love; how can he not succeed?
Grocery getting is always a challenge, it's about 75 minutes to town to buy the majority of the groceries we need for the month. We hit two stores since that's all Mr N can handle. Today we decided to try something a little bit different. The kids and I went to Costco and then I dropped the kids off at work with Daddy. This worked out marvelously. Mr N didn't get super overwhelmed, he started getting upset when we were checking out at Costco. He does NOT like being on the opposite side of the checkout, so I only go over to "my" side to swipe my card and sign. I feel so bad, especially since the cashier is trying so hard to be friendly and doesn't understand why Mr N is so terrified of her.
I finished up my shopping, went and got the kids, then headed home. I realized I wouldn't be home quite by 1:30 since I still needed to stop and get lunch. I called and left a message for Mr N's therapist. Mr N slept the whole way home and was in a pretty good mood when we got home.
His therapy went pretty well, we hadn't been into it very long before he wanted milk, I gave it to him. His therapist asked "did he ask for it or did you just give it to him?". I just gave it to him. When he was done I put it back in the fridge, he went into the playroom for a while, I put groceries away, took out the trash, cleaned out the litter box, etc. Mr N came back into the kitchen after a while and wanted his milk again, I got it out and said "say milk". He didn't. I remember in the book I was reading that if you withhold until they say it then they will realize it's easier to just say the word than it is to throw a fit. The therapist just kept encouraging me to withhold it until he said "milk" by about 3 minutes into the screaming and crying it no longer felt like such a great idea. Thirty five minutes later, he gave up and decided he'd rather go outside and play. I was relieved, I was so near tears while holding my baby boy as he was crying. I just don't think he understood why he wasn't allowed to have his milk. It made me feel like a big bully. It's not like he has zero words and we need to force him to speak. He is literally saying new words every single day.
After we got outside and I started playing with him, he seemed to forgive me. The therapist and I talked about it a bit, and I expressed my thoughts on it. I didn't want to just give him the milk 15 minutes into his tantrum, because then it seems like the message is "if you cry you get your way". So I'm glad we just put the milk away and went outside. We spent quite a bit of time outside working on "sit down" and "stand up". He's even saying "stand up" now. So proud of him. After we'd been outside quite a while he wanted his milk, I didn't make him say it. He did say "thank you".
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think, should I listen to my instincts or make him say it? How do I know what is right? I like my instincts much better, I don't like my little guy sad. Why isn't there statistics and data for these therapies? I need charts and graphs, I need reports to review and say "yes let's proceed we're on target for a fully recovered little boy". No, instead I'm relying on the "hope for the best" method. I hate that method, it sucks as birth control, it sucks as financial planning, it sucks for my son's future. I hate it. I need facts, reliable facts.
After therapy I took the kids to the park to play, there were 2 other little boys there that were 3 & 3.5. E was super excited to have other kids to play with. Mr N loves going down the big slide with the bigger kids, but needs a little help at the start, so I hold his hand as he starts down the slide, then catch him at the bottom. He did really well with the other kids, he didn't engage them but he didn't push them away when they got close and was taking turns going down the slide with everyone.
After we got home Mr N came up to me and asked for milk. He said milk. I wonder if he's more inclined to say it if I'm not right there next to it in the kitchen when he wants it.
I love him. <3
As I was driving along and the two lanes merged into one and everyone raced ahead to get to the front of the line it made me think of how I'm racing to get Mr N all this help before it's too late. I've read conflicting information saying children respond best before 5, and others say 7. Mr N isn't quite 2.5 yet but I really want this to work. I want him to be ok. I was reading some more the other day in a news article that was talking about a 14 y/o who had been in therapy for 10 years. TEN YEARS! I don't know the statistics, but I do know that many children with autism need 24 hour care their entire lives. I know Mr N is awesome and amazing and was diagnosed as "mild to moderate", but I want a guarantee that he will succeed. He's so happy, he's so sweet, he's so lovable, he's so easy going and easy to love; how can he not succeed?
Grocery getting is always a challenge, it's about 75 minutes to town to buy the majority of the groceries we need for the month. We hit two stores since that's all Mr N can handle. Today we decided to try something a little bit different. The kids and I went to Costco and then I dropped the kids off at work with Daddy. This worked out marvelously. Mr N didn't get super overwhelmed, he started getting upset when we were checking out at Costco. He does NOT like being on the opposite side of the checkout, so I only go over to "my" side to swipe my card and sign. I feel so bad, especially since the cashier is trying so hard to be friendly and doesn't understand why Mr N is so terrified of her.
I finished up my shopping, went and got the kids, then headed home. I realized I wouldn't be home quite by 1:30 since I still needed to stop and get lunch. I called and left a message for Mr N's therapist. Mr N slept the whole way home and was in a pretty good mood when we got home.
His therapy went pretty well, we hadn't been into it very long before he wanted milk, I gave it to him. His therapist asked "did he ask for it or did you just give it to him?". I just gave it to him. When he was done I put it back in the fridge, he went into the playroom for a while, I put groceries away, took out the trash, cleaned out the litter box, etc. Mr N came back into the kitchen after a while and wanted his milk again, I got it out and said "say milk". He didn't. I remember in the book I was reading that if you withhold until they say it then they will realize it's easier to just say the word than it is to throw a fit. The therapist just kept encouraging me to withhold it until he said "milk" by about 3 minutes into the screaming and crying it no longer felt like such a great idea. Thirty five minutes later, he gave up and decided he'd rather go outside and play. I was relieved, I was so near tears while holding my baby boy as he was crying. I just don't think he understood why he wasn't allowed to have his milk. It made me feel like a big bully. It's not like he has zero words and we need to force him to speak. He is literally saying new words every single day.
After we got outside and I started playing with him, he seemed to forgive me. The therapist and I talked about it a bit, and I expressed my thoughts on it. I didn't want to just give him the milk 15 minutes into his tantrum, because then it seems like the message is "if you cry you get your way". So I'm glad we just put the milk away and went outside. We spent quite a bit of time outside working on "sit down" and "stand up". He's even saying "stand up" now. So proud of him. After we'd been outside quite a while he wanted his milk, I didn't make him say it. He did say "thank you".
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think, should I listen to my instincts or make him say it? How do I know what is right? I like my instincts much better, I don't like my little guy sad. Why isn't there statistics and data for these therapies? I need charts and graphs, I need reports to review and say "yes let's proceed we're on target for a fully recovered little boy". No, instead I'm relying on the "hope for the best" method. I hate that method, it sucks as birth control, it sucks as financial planning, it sucks for my son's future. I hate it. I need facts, reliable facts.
After therapy I took the kids to the park to play, there were 2 other little boys there that were 3 & 3.5. E was super excited to have other kids to play with. Mr N loves going down the big slide with the bigger kids, but needs a little help at the start, so I hold his hand as he starts down the slide, then catch him at the bottom. He did really well with the other kids, he didn't engage them but he didn't push them away when they got close and was taking turns going down the slide with everyone.
After we got home Mr N came up to me and asked for milk. He said milk. I wonder if he's more inclined to say it if I'm not right there next to it in the kitchen when he wants it.
I love him. <3
The Black Cat
My Great Grandmother loved black cats, when she moved into an assisted living home my Grandma bought her a large stuffed black cat that laid on the back of her couch, and my mom bought her a little hard but furry black cat.
Great Grandma died when E turned one, and Grandma gave E the little black cat that Mom had given Great Grandma. The tail by this time was not completely attached and was barely hanging on. A year or two ago, the tail came completely off and after several months it went into the garbage (apparently).
Today on our way home from getting groceries E said "my black cat's black tail went into the garbage, then the garbage truck took it away at the old house". I asked her repeatedly if she was sure, because I thought it might still be in a toy box. She cried and cried. Then asked "where does the garbage truck take the black cat's tail? can he bring it back?" I told her he can't bring it back, he takes it to the dump. She asked me where the dump was, and I told her I didn't know which dump he took it to and it'd been well over a year since it was put in the trash. She thought about it for a few minutes then asked "can you show me a picture of a dump when we get home?" I said sure. Then she asked if we could call daddy and talk to him about it.
We got home and she didn't mention it again for five hours. Then out of the blue she asked again to see a picture of a dump. I checked google images for dump, she went right to work looking for the cat's tail, she's certain she found it in one picture, "right next to an umbrella". She then decided it was time to call Daddy and ask him to stop by the dump on his way to pick it up.
She has an amazing memory, she even remembers that Daddy put it in the garbage. So at least she's not mad at me.
Great Grandma died when E turned one, and Grandma gave E the little black cat that Mom had given Great Grandma. The tail by this time was not completely attached and was barely hanging on. A year or two ago, the tail came completely off and after several months it went into the garbage (apparently).
Today on our way home from getting groceries E said "my black cat's black tail went into the garbage, then the garbage truck took it away at the old house". I asked her repeatedly if she was sure, because I thought it might still be in a toy box. She cried and cried. Then asked "where does the garbage truck take the black cat's tail? can he bring it back?" I told her he can't bring it back, he takes it to the dump. She asked me where the dump was, and I told her I didn't know which dump he took it to and it'd been well over a year since it was put in the trash. She thought about it for a few minutes then asked "can you show me a picture of a dump when we get home?" I said sure. Then she asked if we could call daddy and talk to him about it.
We got home and she didn't mention it again for five hours. Then out of the blue she asked again to see a picture of a dump. I checked google images for dump, she went right to work looking for the cat's tail, she's certain she found it in one picture, "right next to an umbrella". She then decided it was time to call Daddy and ask him to stop by the dump on his way to pick it up.
She has an amazing memory, she even remembers that Daddy put it in the garbage. So at least she's not mad at me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Autism
The word that changed our lives. The disorder my precious baby boy will have for the rest of his life.
I really don't know what I'm doing today, it's been a strange day. I had so many wise, profound things I was going to say about autism (no really, I did) and now as E says "nothin in my noggin".
I want this blog to also serve to help other parents of autistic children, so I'll try to link to some sources for them. There are several websites dedicated to raising awareness such as www.autismspeaks.org and http://www.autism-society.org/. Then there are the ones dedicated to research such as http://www.autism.com/ and then http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/autism/ is a guide to coping and dealing with autism. A checklist may be a valuable tool for parents who are concerned about their children. The experts say that early intervention is the key to success in treating autism. There are a lot of services available to children with various delays that I was completely unaware of prior to this journey with Mr N.
Mr N has been mouthing velcro and velcro type stuff today more than usual. Apparently some of the kids' stuffed animals have the texture he likes. He's sucked on a giraffe's legs and dog's face. Right now he's going to town on stuffed grapes. He's already drenched his sensory blanket, thank goodness it can all go in the washing machine. He's had a really off day today, I wonder if something is bugging him, wonder if he's getting sick. He didn't eat any of his breakfast or lunch, he's only eaten a few crackers and licked a popsicle for a few minutes. It's days like these when I wish he was more verbal, I just wish he could tell me what's wrong and what I can do to make it all better. Why can't I help him?
This morning while I was mowing he screamed and screamed, I had to stop several times and hold him. When I finally ran out of gas, he just wanted held and cuddled. He typically likes the mower and likes to watch us mow. I don't know what to do.
When Mr N's therapist arrived today he greeted her at the door then ran to the play room to start therapy. I'm glad he looks forward to her coming. She had to prepare some paperwork before she was able to begin therapy so he played with his dinosaurs while he waited. I worked on curtains while she was here today and Mr N came out of the play room a few times to check in with me, but kept going back in. He started getting cranky and tired, he laid down and took a nap while I held him. He woke up smelling sick, I don't know how to describe it other than he smells like he's gonna puke. He hasn't yet, but I won't be surprised if he does. He cried a lot when he woke up and wanted to go sit in his car seat, so I took him out to the car. He sat in the car for a few minutes while E and the therapist tried to catch a lizard. When Mr N got out of the car he wanted a popsicle. He didn't get back into therapy at all. I cuddled him on the couch and put a movie in to distract him for a while. He calmed down and has been fine since. He even waved and said "bye" to his therapist, he blew her a kiss, and I'm pretty sure he said "have fun".
This morning he was playing with a ball and kept saying "a ball" instead of just "ball", I'm pretty sure it's his first preposition. He also said "a cat" when Elephant walked through. So even on his bad days, he does great things. I love this little man!
Right now he's just cuddling on my lap, being sad. Making Mommy feel sad and hopeless. I need to be able to help him.
Today, my heart is heavy.
Tomorrow is another day, a better day, more effort, more results. We will overcome autism, we must! My baby boy is counting on me.
I really don't know what I'm doing today, it's been a strange day. I had so many wise, profound things I was going to say about autism (no really, I did) and now as E says "nothin in my noggin".
I want this blog to also serve to help other parents of autistic children, so I'll try to link to some sources for them. There are several websites dedicated to raising awareness such as www.autismspeaks.org and http://www.autism-society.org/. Then there are the ones dedicated to research such as http://www.autism.com/ and then http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/autism/ is a guide to coping and dealing with autism. A checklist may be a valuable tool for parents who are concerned about their children. The experts say that early intervention is the key to success in treating autism. There are a lot of services available to children with various delays that I was completely unaware of prior to this journey with Mr N.
Mr N has been mouthing velcro and velcro type stuff today more than usual. Apparently some of the kids' stuffed animals have the texture he likes. He's sucked on a giraffe's legs and dog's face. Right now he's going to town on stuffed grapes. He's already drenched his sensory blanket, thank goodness it can all go in the washing machine. He's had a really off day today, I wonder if something is bugging him, wonder if he's getting sick. He didn't eat any of his breakfast or lunch, he's only eaten a few crackers and licked a popsicle for a few minutes. It's days like these when I wish he was more verbal, I just wish he could tell me what's wrong and what I can do to make it all better. Why can't I help him?
This morning while I was mowing he screamed and screamed, I had to stop several times and hold him. When I finally ran out of gas, he just wanted held and cuddled. He typically likes the mower and likes to watch us mow. I don't know what to do.
When Mr N's therapist arrived today he greeted her at the door then ran to the play room to start therapy. I'm glad he looks forward to her coming. She had to prepare some paperwork before she was able to begin therapy so he played with his dinosaurs while he waited. I worked on curtains while she was here today and Mr N came out of the play room a few times to check in with me, but kept going back in. He started getting cranky and tired, he laid down and took a nap while I held him. He woke up smelling sick, I don't know how to describe it other than he smells like he's gonna puke. He hasn't yet, but I won't be surprised if he does. He cried a lot when he woke up and wanted to go sit in his car seat, so I took him out to the car. He sat in the car for a few minutes while E and the therapist tried to catch a lizard. When Mr N got out of the car he wanted a popsicle. He didn't get back into therapy at all. I cuddled him on the couch and put a movie in to distract him for a while. He calmed down and has been fine since. He even waved and said "bye" to his therapist, he blew her a kiss, and I'm pretty sure he said "have fun".
This morning he was playing with a ball and kept saying "a ball" instead of just "ball", I'm pretty sure it's his first preposition. He also said "a cat" when Elephant walked through. So even on his bad days, he does great things. I love this little man!
Right now he's just cuddling on my lap, being sad. Making Mommy feel sad and hopeless. I need to be able to help him.
Today, my heart is heavy.
Tomorrow is another day, a better day, more effort, more results. We will overcome autism, we must! My baby boy is counting on me.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Ah-mazing
Mr N did awesome in therapy today. He spent 28 minutes with the therapist without mom at his side. That is a new record, he did great at several programs. He engaged in great play with his therapist playing Ring-Around-the-Rosie, holding hands, letting her tickle him, etc.
Mommy was super proud of her little man. During Ring-Around-the-Rosie he would say "down" when we fell down and then he'd say "again" to get us to play again, if we weren't quick enough getting up, he would grab us by the hand and say "stand up". He laughed so much, it was so much fun. I felt like he really came alive today and showed his therapist just how amazing he is, by the end of Ring-Around-the-Rosie she said "I see why he has Mommy wrapped around his finger". I can't help it, he's an amazing little guy, so precious, so sweet, such a cuddle bug. Who can resist baby cuddles?
E loved Ring-Around-the-Rosie just as much as Mr N, I didn't think she'd ever want to stop. While Mr N was spending one on one time with the therapist, I read to E. Reading is one of her favorite things, I enjoy reading to her probably as much as she likes listening. She's been exceptionally cute and sweet lately, I'm so proud of how she is handling little brother having therapy. <3
It's interesting how one great therapy session can make everything seem less scary, if only for today. I'm one proud Mommy today!
Daddy got home from work and while he was waiting for him to come into the house he said "where's Dada?". It's another question! He said "where", that's a new word! That's my boy!
Mommy was super proud of her little man. During Ring-Around-the-Rosie he would say "down" when we fell down and then he'd say "again" to get us to play again, if we weren't quick enough getting up, he would grab us by the hand and say "stand up". He laughed so much, it was so much fun. I felt like he really came alive today and showed his therapist just how amazing he is, by the end of Ring-Around-the-Rosie she said "I see why he has Mommy wrapped around his finger". I can't help it, he's an amazing little guy, so precious, so sweet, such a cuddle bug. Who can resist baby cuddles?
E loved Ring-Around-the-Rosie just as much as Mr N, I didn't think she'd ever want to stop. While Mr N was spending one on one time with the therapist, I read to E. Reading is one of her favorite things, I enjoy reading to her probably as much as she likes listening. She's been exceptionally cute and sweet lately, I'm so proud of how she is handling little brother having therapy. <3
It's interesting how one great therapy session can make everything seem less scary, if only for today. I'm one proud Mommy today!
Daddy got home from work and while he was waiting for him to come into the house he said "where's Dada?". It's another question! He said "where", that's a new word! That's my boy!
Getting through
Yesterday Mr N's therapist relayed some information she'd gotten from a dinner she had Friday night with some more experienced therapists. They said in order for Mr N to have a break through and really start progressing, I need to just leave him alone with the therapist and let him scream. How does one bring oneself to this point? How do you let your child scream in terror wondering if you've abandoned him? His therapist said that as a therapist she understands that it needs to be done, but as a parent she wouldn't be able to do it either.
Why does it all have to be so hard? Why isn't there some magic easy solution to helping my precious little? Why does he seem to be regressing in therapy? He was spending 20+ minutes with his therapist without me in the room, yesterday it was 8 minutes total. Maybe I need to work harder on doing something completely boring when he is in therapy. Guess today is a good day to work on my curtains.
She also discussed his napping with the other therapists. He used to take a two hour nap from 11:30-1:30 every day. When therapy started he stopped napping at his usual time. I personally think he is just outgrowing naps, E stopped napping around 15 months and my 18 month old niece is about done with naps. I don't think giving up naps at nearly 2.5 is that far outside the realm of possibilities. But they disagreed. The other thing they discussed is that Mr N used to wake up screaming in pain from naps almost every day for months. He stopped probably 2 maybe 3 months ago. In the last week he has done it again 2-3 times, but he's not really napping, he'll briefly fall asleep then wake up screaming. Their thinking is that he is screaming to keep mommy holding him. Again I disagree. I don't think it's some master manipulation on his part to get me to hold him. I love holding him, I hold him all the time without him screaming. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will soon pass. My first thought is it's food related, it seems he wakes up screaming more on days when he hasn't eaten as much.
Today is my once a month grocery shopping today, I'm not going. I don't have the energy that requires today. I'll procrastinate until next week.
I used to make homemade dinner every night for the hubby, I have not done that but maybe twice since therapy started. I need to figure something out so that my husband is fed without having to eat frozen pizzas and hotdogs every night. I was making crock pot meals for a while, maybe I should get back to that. It certainly doesn't help that I have the worst kitchen I've ever had to work with, I'm looking forward to the kitchen remodel, even though it ranks after the downstairs bathroom, and the kids' room.
My thoughts are so scattered today. I need an easy button.
This morning Elephant, our cat, came into the bathroom while we were brushing our teeth and Mr N started meowing and saying cat. He loves tormenting the cat, since Elephant doesn't run away he must not mind too much. "meow" and "moo" are his only two animal sounds that I can think of that he says. I feel like I'm so in the world of autism that I don't even know what normal milestones are for this age, what should he be doing? I just googled it. I shouldn't have. The only area he seems on track is gross & fine motor. At least he is improving. He asks questions now, he says "what's that?", "who?", and "who's that?". Hopefully that is worth something, hopefully it progresses into more talking and more appropriate social skills.
Daily I work on "I love you", I know that is 3 new words strung together, I know it's expecting a lot, but my heart would be so happy to hear those precious words. For now, I'll just be satisfied with his sweet kisses, cuddles and baby bear hugs.
I need to head outside and play with the kids in the sun, I'm pretty sure the sunshine has healing powers.
Why does it all have to be so hard? Why isn't there some magic easy solution to helping my precious little? Why does he seem to be regressing in therapy? He was spending 20+ minutes with his therapist without me in the room, yesterday it was 8 minutes total. Maybe I need to work harder on doing something completely boring when he is in therapy. Guess today is a good day to work on my curtains.
She also discussed his napping with the other therapists. He used to take a two hour nap from 11:30-1:30 every day. When therapy started he stopped napping at his usual time. I personally think he is just outgrowing naps, E stopped napping around 15 months and my 18 month old niece is about done with naps. I don't think giving up naps at nearly 2.5 is that far outside the realm of possibilities. But they disagreed. The other thing they discussed is that Mr N used to wake up screaming in pain from naps almost every day for months. He stopped probably 2 maybe 3 months ago. In the last week he has done it again 2-3 times, but he's not really napping, he'll briefly fall asleep then wake up screaming. Their thinking is that he is screaming to keep mommy holding him. Again I disagree. I don't think it's some master manipulation on his part to get me to hold him. I love holding him, I hold him all the time without him screaming. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will soon pass. My first thought is it's food related, it seems he wakes up screaming more on days when he hasn't eaten as much.
Today is my once a month grocery shopping today, I'm not going. I don't have the energy that requires today. I'll procrastinate until next week.
I used to make homemade dinner every night for the hubby, I have not done that but maybe twice since therapy started. I need to figure something out so that my husband is fed without having to eat frozen pizzas and hotdogs every night. I was making crock pot meals for a while, maybe I should get back to that. It certainly doesn't help that I have the worst kitchen I've ever had to work with, I'm looking forward to the kitchen remodel, even though it ranks after the downstairs bathroom, and the kids' room.
My thoughts are so scattered today. I need an easy button.
This morning Elephant, our cat, came into the bathroom while we were brushing our teeth and Mr N started meowing and saying cat. He loves tormenting the cat, since Elephant doesn't run away he must not mind too much. "meow" and "moo" are his only two animal sounds that I can think of that he says. I feel like I'm so in the world of autism that I don't even know what normal milestones are for this age, what should he be doing? I just googled it. I shouldn't have. The only area he seems on track is gross & fine motor. At least he is improving. He asks questions now, he says "what's that?", "who?", and "who's that?". Hopefully that is worth something, hopefully it progresses into more talking and more appropriate social skills.
Daily I work on "I love you", I know that is 3 new words strung together, I know it's expecting a lot, but my heart would be so happy to hear those precious words. For now, I'll just be satisfied with his sweet kisses, cuddles and baby bear hugs.
I need to head outside and play with the kids in the sun, I'm pretty sure the sunshine has healing powers.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Starting the week
I dread Mondays. I miss my husband. I miss the hiking, off roading, exploring, and spending time together as a family. Maybe if my husband was a dill hole I wouldn't miss him as much on Mondays. Every Monday E says "where is Daddy?" then dramatically says "I will never see him again". She can be a bit of a drama queen, I readily assure her that Daddy will come home from work tonight, just like always. Inwardly though, I worry about his long commute, worry that his risks of being in an accident increase with all of the driving. But I must push aside the worry, it doesn't benefit anyone.
I push on with my day, start some laundry, clean up the kitchen, pick up from the weekend, dust & de-cobweb the house, scrub sinks, toilets & tubs, make beds & vaccum. This morning also consisted of rearranging the play room to fit the kids new desks. E is super excited to use hers, she did some school work yesterday while I was packing for our day trip.
Mr N accompanies me up and down the stairs many times during the morning, as I get the kids milk, breakfast, take down laundry, get more coffee, try to sit and work on my blog, try to upload pics from the weekend, etc. I constantly work with Mr N on his words, as we climb the stairs we say "up, up, up, up" as we take each step. Sometimes my hard work pays off and Mr N chimes in and says it. This morning he said "up" several times, up is one of his clearest, well spoken words, it gives me hope. I'm so proud of this little man, with which I've been blessed.
Now I must get off the computer and make some more progress on the house. Yet another reason I dread Mondays, cleaning up after the weekend.
I think today I might get brave and post a link to my blog on Facebook, so those that are interested can read about our trip yesterday. Those that are interested in Mr N can follow along my blogging journey of his progress. I'll be honest, it makes me nervous, it scares me, what will my friends think? Will they think I'm weak as a mother? Will they question my ability to parent a special needs child? Am I the only one who worries most about how I'm doing as a mother more than all else? You can judge me all day long about how I look, how my house looks, what you think of me as a person; but my parenting? That's painful because it directly effects how my children turn out.
I'm off to do some more cleaning and pondering the idea of posting a link on Facebook. *sigh*
I push on with my day, start some laundry, clean up the kitchen, pick up from the weekend, dust & de-cobweb the house, scrub sinks, toilets & tubs, make beds & vaccum. This morning also consisted of rearranging the play room to fit the kids new desks. E is super excited to use hers, she did some school work yesterday while I was packing for our day trip.
Mr N accompanies me up and down the stairs many times during the morning, as I get the kids milk, breakfast, take down laundry, get more coffee, try to sit and work on my blog, try to upload pics from the weekend, etc. I constantly work with Mr N on his words, as we climb the stairs we say "up, up, up, up" as we take each step. Sometimes my hard work pays off and Mr N chimes in and says it. This morning he said "up" several times, up is one of his clearest, well spoken words, it gives me hope. I'm so proud of this little man, with which I've been blessed.
Now I must get off the computer and make some more progress on the house. Yet another reason I dread Mondays, cleaning up after the weekend.
I think today I might get brave and post a link to my blog on Facebook, so those that are interested can read about our trip yesterday. Those that are interested in Mr N can follow along my blogging journey of his progress. I'll be honest, it makes me nervous, it scares me, what will my friends think? Will they think I'm weak as a mother? Will they question my ability to parent a special needs child? Am I the only one who worries most about how I'm doing as a mother more than all else? You can judge me all day long about how I look, how my house looks, what you think of me as a person; but my parenting? That's painful because it directly effects how my children turn out.
I'm off to do some more cleaning and pondering the idea of posting a link on Facebook. *sigh*
Sunday is my fun day
Saturday we work, work, work (and a little play) and Sunday is our play day. We go to meeting Sunday morning, then play all afternoon. Mr N did awesome at meeting yesterday, we only went out to the car once for a diaper change. The kids had snacks, then we went back in. We spent maybe 10 minutes in the car. Success.
I've been dying to get to Yosemite and get a spring picture of the "tunnel view" of the valley. So yesterday we headed to Yosemite, there is a place to pull off before you get down to the valley and you can see El Capitan and Half Dome, we always end up missing it. Yesterday we stopped and took in the view, the kids ran around and played, but we also noticed the haze that didn't make for a great photo opportunity. So we skipped the trip to the valley and headed up to Tioga Pass, which was Part 2 of our plan.
I've been dying to get to Yosemite and get a spring picture of the "tunnel view" of the valley. So yesterday we headed to Yosemite, there is a place to pull off before you get down to the valley and you can see El Capitan and Half Dome, we always end up missing it. Yesterday we stopped and took in the view, the kids ran around and played, but we also noticed the haze that didn't make for a great photo opportunity. So we skipped the trip to the valley and headed up to Tioga Pass, which was Part 2 of our plan.
Here is the haze from the valley:
On our way up to Tioga Pass we saw a Marmot:
We stopped at Olmstead Point and climbed the rocks, the view of Half Dome from here was clear and beautiful.
When we first got to Olmstead Point, we got out of the car and a couple walked by, Mr N walked with the lady, not realizing it wasn't Mommy. Daddy kept yelling his name but he didn't respond until I yelled his name. The lady he was walking next to reached out her hand to bring him back to us and he slapped it away and ran back to us. I apologized to her and my heart ached.
While we were there Mr N was talking quite a bit, and even though his vocabulary is improving daily, he doesn't talk clearly. Most people can't understand what he's saying, his word for water is "baaah" or something similar, we could see Lake Tenaya in the distance and he kept saying "baaah". I cried as we walked back to the car, will he ever catch up?
After the kids played at Olmstead Point we headed on towards Lake Tenaya, but the lake was too high to play on the beach so we just used the bathrooms, ate a snack and let the kids play some more. Here is Lake Tenaya.
Mr N started falling asleep at this point so we just drove for a while and enjoyed the beauty. We went out the East entrance to Yosemite at Tioga Pass and continued on for a while. We came across a few frozen lakes that were just beautiful.
Then we stopped for another break and saw this river running down the mountain. The kids, of course, threw rocks. We got to the bottom of the valley then followed a road back up along the river with a few small falls along the way.
We started heading back towards home, since we still wanted to do a hike. We stopped one more time to let the kids play for a while since it would be a half hour or better before we got to where we wanted to hike. We stopped at this meadow area where there was a snow melt river running through. There is more meadow area off to the right that we explored a little more.
Mr N dozed off as we headed back down towards Tuolumne Grove, but didn't fall asleep. We got to there at 20 till 8 and it was starting to get dark, but we really wanted to check it out and see the Sequoias and compare the area to the Mariposa Grove at the South entrance to Yosemite. I put Mr N in my Ergo and Daddy put E in his Ergo. (These have turned out to be the most comfortable carriers for long hikes.) We checked out the map, it said 1 mile to the first Sequoia, then another .2mi to the next Sequoia. The sign said allow 2-3 hours to walk down and back up, the change in elevation is 400 ft. We looked at each other and said, we can do it before it gets dark. There was only one other vehicle in the parking lot. We started the trail thinking it was pretty flat, that lasted maybe 1/4 of a mile, then we really started downhill. Twenty minutes later we arrived at the first Sequoia (in our not so expert opinions, it's further than one mile) and then we moved on to the 2nd tree that has a tunnel carved into it. At this point the sun was setting and it was starting to get dark. We ran into the other couple at the Tunnel Tree and they had a toddler with them. They were continuing down the trail. We made good time going back up the trail, right around 30 minutes and it was quite dark when we got to the top at 8:30. I have to wonder if the Park Rangers had to go retrieve the other couple, they didn't appear to be prepared for a night hike (or any hike really). I didn't take any pictures at Tuolumne Grove, it was much too dark when we got there to bother with lugging a camera along.
On our way home Mr N fell asleep, I carried his sweet, sleeping self to bed. I cried again as I kissed him goodnight and tucked him in, will my little baby be ok?
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Saturday
I've been a stay at home mom for four years, until therapy started I had a pretty open schedule every day. I really look forward to weekend time now, time to just relax, no pressure to have the house picked up, no pressure to be done with laundry, dishes, outside chores, etc by 1:30.
This new schedule of therapy every day from 1:30-4:30 has limited our ability to run to town to get stuff. So today we will get E new shoes, her new sandals broke on Thursday so we need replacements; hit the grocery store for produce, milk and bread; and see if we can find some toys that will be beneficial for therapy.
This afternoon will surely be full of outside fun time and mowing, tree trimming, fence finishing, etc.
We're back from town now, we stopped at a flea market on our way out of our area and found little desks for the kids. E is super excited to do her school work at her desk.
We hit up the dollar store and got some fun outside toys; we found a play doh tool kit for Mr N to use during therapy at walmart; we got E some new sandals; and we had lunch at Carl's Jr and Mr N ate FIVE chicken stars!!! I'm so proud of his chicken eating self, he doesn't eat well and rarely eats meat, so it was a big day for him. Mr N picked out a large hula hoop at walmart and very much wanted it, he played with it and only it once we got home.
Daddy's allergies are in full force so when we got home I did some mowing, garden watering, and sprayed off the concrete & cars. The kids played in their pool and with the new sprinkler Daddy got them last week.
I think we'll wrap up the day with a nice hike down along the river, there are several waterfalls along the way, it's gorgeous, much cooler, and great exercise.
UPDATE:
The trail down to the falls was closed due to a land slide, so we took a different hike, a much easier hike. Here are some pics:
This new schedule of therapy every day from 1:30-4:30 has limited our ability to run to town to get stuff. So today we will get E new shoes, her new sandals broke on Thursday so we need replacements; hit the grocery store for produce, milk and bread; and see if we can find some toys that will be beneficial for therapy.
This afternoon will surely be full of outside fun time and mowing, tree trimming, fence finishing, etc.
We're back from town now, we stopped at a flea market on our way out of our area and found little desks for the kids. E is super excited to do her school work at her desk.
We hit up the dollar store and got some fun outside toys; we found a play doh tool kit for Mr N to use during therapy at walmart; we got E some new sandals; and we had lunch at Carl's Jr and Mr N ate FIVE chicken stars!!! I'm so proud of his chicken eating self, he doesn't eat well and rarely eats meat, so it was a big day for him. Mr N picked out a large hula hoop at walmart and very much wanted it, he played with it and only it once we got home.
Daddy's allergies are in full force so when we got home I did some mowing, garden watering, and sprayed off the concrete & cars. The kids played in their pool and with the new sprinkler Daddy got them last week.
I think we'll wrap up the day with a nice hike down along the river, there are several waterfalls along the way, it's gorgeous, much cooler, and great exercise.
UPDATE:
The trail down to the falls was closed due to a land slide, so we took a different hike, a much easier hike. Here are some pics:
Friday, May 11, 2012
Mo
Mr N's therapist has been trying for days to get him to say "mo". She got him to say "ma" a few times, the goal is to just improve his vocabulary even with small imitations. Today just minutes before she left she gave it one last try even though he was walking out of the room and had been a stinker for the last 30ish minutes. He said "mo" for her, she was so excited. I love that she gets genuinely excited when he does a task she requests. I think a lot of therapists would just write it down and move onto the next task.
Mr N hasn't been super cooperative this week, hasn't been doing his work very well when his therapist has been here, but when she is not here I work with him on various things, he says more and more words for me each day. I don't think the stinker has ever done touch head for his therapist but he does it for me several times a day along with touch nose and is now doing touch mouth, too. I'm hoping he gets some rest this weekend and is ready to start next week off with some good work. I love hearing when the therapist says he's gotten intro mastery on a program, that makes me a proud mama.
My precious Mr N loves the outdoors. We spend a good part of our day outside. We typically have breakfast outside or eat it then head outside. The kids play for a couple of hours while Mommy works, then they have lunch and sometimes watch part of a movie, then we head back outside until his therapist arrives. Even during therapy we spend time outside doing various activities. His therapist has geared a lot of stuff towards the outdoors since he loves being outside. The last two days we took a walk during therapy, yesterday we collected bugs and Mr N said "bug" for the first time. After the therapist left today we went for another walk and he said "bug" again unprompted. This evening we were outside for a bit after Daddy got home and the deer were in the yard and Mr N pointed and said deer. I love when he shows off his blossoming vocabulary for Daddy.
This morning we went to the hardware store for wire so I could finish building the fence around my garden. Mr N loves going to the hardware store because they have two fountains at the front of the store with rocks in them. He loves moving the rocks back and forth from fountain to fountain and playing in the water. The people there are so friendly, if the fountains aren't on when we get there they turn them on for Mr N. A lot of times when we go to the hardware store Mr N will stay at the front with the fountains and the owner or Dan watches him while I get the stuff we need, but today the doors were open and there was a new kid working the counter so he had to stay with me while we shopped. He did say hi and bye to the new kid.
After lunch Mr N wanted a popsicle and while I was opening it he started hand flapping in excitement. It was such a poignant reminder of his autism. Sometimes I still try to convince myself that he isn't autistic. Then there are the painful reminders like hand flapping. He doesn't do it super often, certainly not every day. He also had a rough wake up from his nap today, it wasn't as bad as it used to be, but he still woke up crying and was hard to comfort and settle down. He wanted to go sit in the car and get buckled, he sat there for a few minutes while he calmed down.
It really is days like today that hurt my heart, especially after he's had a string of good days, days with his autism not showing as much. Today it was more obvious. Now he's sleeping peacefully, my sweet, beautiful baby boy.
Mr N hasn't been super cooperative this week, hasn't been doing his work very well when his therapist has been here, but when she is not here I work with him on various things, he says more and more words for me each day. I don't think the stinker has ever done touch head for his therapist but he does it for me several times a day along with touch nose and is now doing touch mouth, too. I'm hoping he gets some rest this weekend and is ready to start next week off with some good work. I love hearing when the therapist says he's gotten intro mastery on a program, that makes me a proud mama.
My precious Mr N loves the outdoors. We spend a good part of our day outside. We typically have breakfast outside or eat it then head outside. The kids play for a couple of hours while Mommy works, then they have lunch and sometimes watch part of a movie, then we head back outside until his therapist arrives. Even during therapy we spend time outside doing various activities. His therapist has geared a lot of stuff towards the outdoors since he loves being outside. The last two days we took a walk during therapy, yesterday we collected bugs and Mr N said "bug" for the first time. After the therapist left today we went for another walk and he said "bug" again unprompted. This evening we were outside for a bit after Daddy got home and the deer were in the yard and Mr N pointed and said deer. I love when he shows off his blossoming vocabulary for Daddy.
This morning we went to the hardware store for wire so I could finish building the fence around my garden. Mr N loves going to the hardware store because they have two fountains at the front of the store with rocks in them. He loves moving the rocks back and forth from fountain to fountain and playing in the water. The people there are so friendly, if the fountains aren't on when we get there they turn them on for Mr N. A lot of times when we go to the hardware store Mr N will stay at the front with the fountains and the owner or Dan watches him while I get the stuff we need, but today the doors were open and there was a new kid working the counter so he had to stay with me while we shopped. He did say hi and bye to the new kid.
After lunch Mr N wanted a popsicle and while I was opening it he started hand flapping in excitement. It was such a poignant reminder of his autism. Sometimes I still try to convince myself that he isn't autistic. Then there are the painful reminders like hand flapping. He doesn't do it super often, certainly not every day. He also had a rough wake up from his nap today, it wasn't as bad as it used to be, but he still woke up crying and was hard to comfort and settle down. He wanted to go sit in the car and get buckled, he sat there for a few minutes while he calmed down.
It really is days like today that hurt my heart, especially after he's had a string of good days, days with his autism not showing as much. Today it was more obvious. Now he's sleeping peacefully, my sweet, beautiful baby boy.
Little Miss
My little miss who I desperately worry is not getting enough Mommy time, isn't getting enough attention, enough stimulation, isn't going to be a well rounded happy kid; is absolutely precious. She is so smart, has the best memory, she remembers things from months and even up to a year ago, maybe longer. It's amazing. She knows who we see where, she knows Dan works at the hardware store and is disappointed when he's not there (he has Sat, Sun and Mon off). She loves going to the playground and especially enjoys it when there are other children there.
She's a Daddy's girl through and through. She is sitting right now singing her made up song about Daddy "I love my Daddy, he is fun. I went to the playground with my Daddy.......and Mommy".
My little E is an excellent big sister and is over the top thrilled that she can ask baby brother for hugs and he'll give them to her. It's like she's discovered a new trick, that rewards her greatly. She complains when he says no.
She says the funniest things, I'll share some from the last year.
~ you can pee on a tiny tree, because it's like a toilet
~When Daddy was out of town for a few days we were in the car on our way home from somewhere and she said "I'm missing something", I said "what are you missing? Your ball? drink? snack?" thinking she dropped something on the floor of the car. She replied "I'm missing my Daddy"
~ This is a conversation we had:
E: where are we going?
me: out in service
E: can I stay home?
me: by yourself? (she is scared to go upstairs by herself)
E: ummm can baby and I stay home?
~ In the car on the way home from the library E suddenly said "I'm sorry, don't look back here" she had spilled her cereal
~ dadda is the bestest big guy
~ Me: not until baby wakes up
E: but I know how to wake babies up
~ the secret is not to panic
~me: you're driving me nuts
E: we don't say that, mom
me: well I do, you're driving me nuts
E: we drive cars, not nuts
3 min later E: you're driving me crazy, Mom
me: you're driving me up the wall
E: hahahaha (fake laugh) you're sooo funny, mom
~me: do you want some marshmallows?
E: no, you eat marshmallows outside with a stick
(we've never roasted marshmallows with her)
~ I miss dada, my heart is super sad
~I love stars, big boy Jehovah made the stars (for the record, I've never referred to him as "big boy")
~ E to me after Mr N hurt me: accidents happen, I got hurt when I was a kid
~ I wanna watch Kripple the dog
~ me: I'm going to put Mr N down for a nap
E: just be nice to him, nice people don't put Mr N down for a nap
~ don't make a mess in my play room, daddy. that's unnecessary
~ Daddy to E: Do you know where milk comes from?
E: yeah, from cow's butt (using cow tail to pretend fill her cup with milk)
E: we don't drink butt milk, though
~ E to Mr N: go get it, boy
E to me: I don't think he's a real dog at all
~E: I want to hold the baby
me: (hands her Mr N)
E: ohhhhh it's too heavy
(Mr N was 18 months at the time, and they've been the same weight since he was around 1 y/o)
She's a Daddy's girl through and through. She is sitting right now singing her made up song about Daddy "I love my Daddy, he is fun. I went to the playground with my Daddy.......and Mommy".
My little E is an excellent big sister and is over the top thrilled that she can ask baby brother for hugs and he'll give them to her. It's like she's discovered a new trick, that rewards her greatly. She complains when he says no.
She says the funniest things, I'll share some from the last year.
~ you can pee on a tiny tree, because it's like a toilet
~When Daddy was out of town for a few days we were in the car on our way home from somewhere and she said "I'm missing something", I said "what are you missing? Your ball? drink? snack?" thinking she dropped something on the floor of the car. She replied "I'm missing my Daddy"
~ This is a conversation we had:
E: where are we going?
me: out in service
E: can I stay home?
me: by yourself? (she is scared to go upstairs by herself)
E: ummm can baby and I stay home?
~ In the car on the way home from the library E suddenly said "I'm sorry, don't look back here" she had spilled her cereal
~ dadda is the bestest big guy
~ Me: not until baby wakes up
E: but I know how to wake babies up
~ the secret is not to panic
~me: you're driving me nuts
E: we don't say that, mom
me: well I do, you're driving me nuts
E: we drive cars, not nuts
3 min later E: you're driving me crazy, Mom
me: you're driving me up the wall
E: hahahaha (fake laugh) you're sooo funny, mom
~me: do you want some marshmallows?
E: no, you eat marshmallows outside with a stick
(we've never roasted marshmallows with her)
~ I miss dada, my heart is super sad
~I love stars, big boy Jehovah made the stars (for the record, I've never referred to him as "big boy")
~ E to me after Mr N hurt me: accidents happen, I got hurt when I was a kid
~ I wanna watch Kripple the dog
~ me: I'm going to put Mr N down for a nap
E: just be nice to him, nice people don't put Mr N down for a nap
~ don't make a mess in my play room, daddy. that's unnecessary
~ Daddy to E: Do you know where milk comes from?
E: yeah, from cow's butt (using cow tail to pretend fill her cup with milk)
E: we don't drink butt milk, though
~ E to Mr N: go get it, boy
E to me: I don't think he's a real dog at all
~E: I want to hold the baby
me: (hands her Mr N)
E: ohhhhh it's too heavy
(Mr N was 18 months at the time, and they've been the same weight since he was around 1 y/o)
My Susie
I've talked some about my bestie who has blown me away with her support and understanding.
Today I'd like to talk a bit about another one of my best friends, I'm strongly of the opinion that you can have more than one best friend. I don't take the term lightly, I truly love my best friends, each and every one of them, I could never chose between them.
I met my dear Susie 4 years ago, our daughters were born 5 days apart and are the best of friends, even though they don't get to see each other often E is frequently talking about her. Susie is my dependable friend who will drop everything in her life to help me out. I love having such an amazing person in my life that I can count on when the going gets tough. The last month of my pregnancy with Mr N I was lonely, homesick, and miserable. I was whining to Susie on chat one day how I just wanted someone to come be with me until he was born. I didn't really need help with anything, just a friend by my side. Susie booked a flight the next day and was here within days. How am I deserving of such a friendship? How did I get so lucky to have this beautiful person in my life? We didn't do anything too exciting while she visited, just let the girls play while we chatted and she missed her darling husband. I appreciate her sacrifice away from her husband and son while she was here.
Last July, my mom called hours after my husband left for a business trip to Sweden, Grandpa wasn't doing well, they didn't know if he'd make it through the week. I packed my bags, called Susie and begged her to fly into an airport about a days drive from where I was, then drive with me to her house, then I would drive the last leg of the trip. She did. She's amazing, have I mentioned that? She dropped everything, spent a night away from her family, for me. Again, I'm so lucky to have her. It's a 26 hour drive from here to "home", Susie was a much needed breath of fresh air as I traveled with the 2 littles.
When I first started noticing Mr N's delays, I'd talk to my Susie and she'd reassure me everything would be alright. She was the first person I called after telling my husband about the diagnosis from the psychologist. I called her crying on my way home. She cried with me. She again reassured me that everything would be alright, she assured me that Mr N has great parents and we'd get him the best treatment and he would be fine. She loves Mr N, she's so proud of him, like a true friend would. <3
Now for my Susie funny. :) A few weeks ago E wanted to call Aunt Susie (as the kids lovingly refer to her) after they were done talking E matter of factly said "Aunt Susie is Daddy's sister". I said no, and explained that she is just Mommy's friend, like Aunt Bethie. E seemed puzzled so we showed her pictures of Daddy's sister and reminded her about Aunt Wendy. I'm not sure she totally gets it, but she is certain that she has many aunts and uncles that love her.
One of the biggest challenges we face with Mr N are attending meetings, assemblies and conventions. There is so much sensory overload for him that we can only sit for small periods of time without needing a break. The length of time he is able to sit is getting longer. For meetings we can go to the car and listen to the meeting as it is broadcast on the radio. For assemblies & conventions it's a bit harder because Mr N doesn't enjoy being in hotel rooms, so each day gets progressively worse because he never really can unwind. I was discussing this with my dear Susie, and she invited us to attend her convention this summer since it is held just minutes away from her house. This will allow Mr N & E to have somewhere to run and play after the convention each day, also a full house to wander and not just a tiny hotel room. Did I mention how awesome this Susie is? Everyone needs a Susie of their very own. I'm very much looking forward to seeing her next month.
Today I'd like to talk a bit about another one of my best friends, I'm strongly of the opinion that you can have more than one best friend. I don't take the term lightly, I truly love my best friends, each and every one of them, I could never chose between them.
I met my dear Susie 4 years ago, our daughters were born 5 days apart and are the best of friends, even though they don't get to see each other often E is frequently talking about her. Susie is my dependable friend who will drop everything in her life to help me out. I love having such an amazing person in my life that I can count on when the going gets tough. The last month of my pregnancy with Mr N I was lonely, homesick, and miserable. I was whining to Susie on chat one day how I just wanted someone to come be with me until he was born. I didn't really need help with anything, just a friend by my side. Susie booked a flight the next day and was here within days. How am I deserving of such a friendship? How did I get so lucky to have this beautiful person in my life? We didn't do anything too exciting while she visited, just let the girls play while we chatted and she missed her darling husband. I appreciate her sacrifice away from her husband and son while she was here.
Last July, my mom called hours after my husband left for a business trip to Sweden, Grandpa wasn't doing well, they didn't know if he'd make it through the week. I packed my bags, called Susie and begged her to fly into an airport about a days drive from where I was, then drive with me to her house, then I would drive the last leg of the trip. She did. She's amazing, have I mentioned that? She dropped everything, spent a night away from her family, for me. Again, I'm so lucky to have her. It's a 26 hour drive from here to "home", Susie was a much needed breath of fresh air as I traveled with the 2 littles.
When I first started noticing Mr N's delays, I'd talk to my Susie and she'd reassure me everything would be alright. She was the first person I called after telling my husband about the diagnosis from the psychologist. I called her crying on my way home. She cried with me. She again reassured me that everything would be alright, she assured me that Mr N has great parents and we'd get him the best treatment and he would be fine. She loves Mr N, she's so proud of him, like a true friend would. <3
Now for my Susie funny. :) A few weeks ago E wanted to call Aunt Susie (as the kids lovingly refer to her) after they were done talking E matter of factly said "Aunt Susie is Daddy's sister". I said no, and explained that she is just Mommy's friend, like Aunt Bethie. E seemed puzzled so we showed her pictures of Daddy's sister and reminded her about Aunt Wendy. I'm not sure she totally gets it, but she is certain that she has many aunts and uncles that love her.
One of the biggest challenges we face with Mr N are attending meetings, assemblies and conventions. There is so much sensory overload for him that we can only sit for small periods of time without needing a break. The length of time he is able to sit is getting longer. For meetings we can go to the car and listen to the meeting as it is broadcast on the radio. For assemblies & conventions it's a bit harder because Mr N doesn't enjoy being in hotel rooms, so each day gets progressively worse because he never really can unwind. I was discussing this with my dear Susie, and she invited us to attend her convention this summer since it is held just minutes away from her house. This will allow Mr N & E to have somewhere to run and play after the convention each day, also a full house to wander and not just a tiny hotel room. Did I mention how awesome this Susie is? Everyone needs a Susie of their very own. I'm very much looking forward to seeing her next month.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Change, Change, Change
I've realized that having a child with special needs has really changed me a lot. When I see someone with special needs I tend to be kinder and more sympathetic, knowing they probably have endured much pain and frustration. It's made me kinder to anyone with any kind of health problem or disability, I think they have a lot more struggles than I do. At meetings, assemblies, conventions, and even at the grocery store I seem more aware of other's limitations. As crazy as it seems, even with arms full of toddlers, I offer to assist others more. An older lady was at the recycling center at the same time as us the other day, I offered to help sort her recyclables, she refused saying she does it that way for more exercise. Previously, I wouldn't have offered with the thinking that "hey I have 2 kids, I can't help anyone, my hands are full".
I'm so much more driven these days, so driven to make a better life for my kids, to spend all day engaging Mr N even when I'm busy working. So driven to get projects done, I'm in the process of building a garden, I built a planter box all by myself. Me! I went to Lowe's and got lumber & screws. I built it. Just like that. Who knew I had it in me? Then I painted it all to keep it from rotting. I put in chicken wire, weed paper, and soil. I, with the help of my darling husband, tore down the fence on our property and moved it up to where the garden is and started building the fence.
A few days ago, it was hot and I really wanted some shade. I went to the garage and dug out our gazebo, absolutely dreading the task of putting it together. When we first got it my lovely cousin was visiting and embarked on the painstaking task of putting it together with us. How on earth would the hubby and I put this thing together just the two of us, with instructions no where to be found and the google machine didn't produce any results? I decided to put together what I could before my husband got home to help. A few hours later I had the entire thing done. Amazing. Look at me, I can do things. I surprise myself.
I started making curtains for our house, I've gotten 2 rooms done and another 2 rooms started. I hate it. It sucks a bunch. But they look nice and are much prettier and more affordable than buying them.
Another change in me, is my indifference towards trivial things. I feel like with this new driving force of fixing Mr N, I no longer care when mindless drama is thrown at me. I don't have time to stroke people's egos, I don't have time to deal with attention seekers.
I tend to be more emotional these days. At first, I'd cry all the time, just hold my baby and cry, so sad, no hope, no drive, no future. I cry less than when we first got the diagnosis, but I still cry. I cry when Mr N does something amazing, I cry when I worry he's not gonna get on track, I cry when I'm completely overwhelmed and exhausted and wonder how I'm going to keep going.
But I don't cry over my cat, that's just silliness. I leave that to my bestie, she can cry over PJ & Dozer, her cats, but that's just not me. ;) I don't know if she really cries over her cats, that'd just be awkward, but I told her I was working on a blog post and she asked what it was about.
I'm hoping the change I tried to put into effect regarding my patience is working. I try to be more patient with E since this is all a big change in her life, too. I try to not snap at her when she interrupts conversations, when she asks 67 times for the same thing, when she needs something 2 minutes after I sit down for the first time all day, etc.
I'm so much more driven these days, so driven to make a better life for my kids, to spend all day engaging Mr N even when I'm busy working. So driven to get projects done, I'm in the process of building a garden, I built a planter box all by myself. Me! I went to Lowe's and got lumber & screws. I built it. Just like that. Who knew I had it in me? Then I painted it all to keep it from rotting. I put in chicken wire, weed paper, and soil. I, with the help of my darling husband, tore down the fence on our property and moved it up to where the garden is and started building the fence.
A few days ago, it was hot and I really wanted some shade. I went to the garage and dug out our gazebo, absolutely dreading the task of putting it together. When we first got it my lovely cousin was visiting and embarked on the painstaking task of putting it together with us. How on earth would the hubby and I put this thing together just the two of us, with instructions no where to be found and the google machine didn't produce any results? I decided to put together what I could before my husband got home to help. A few hours later I had the entire thing done. Amazing. Look at me, I can do things. I surprise myself.
I started making curtains for our house, I've gotten 2 rooms done and another 2 rooms started. I hate it. It sucks a bunch. But they look nice and are much prettier and more affordable than buying them.
Another change in me, is my indifference towards trivial things. I feel like with this new driving force of fixing Mr N, I no longer care when mindless drama is thrown at me. I don't have time to stroke people's egos, I don't have time to deal with attention seekers.
I tend to be more emotional these days. At first, I'd cry all the time, just hold my baby and cry, so sad, no hope, no drive, no future. I cry less than when we first got the diagnosis, but I still cry. I cry when Mr N does something amazing, I cry when I worry he's not gonna get on track, I cry when I'm completely overwhelmed and exhausted and wonder how I'm going to keep going.
But I don't cry over my cat, that's just silliness. I leave that to my bestie, she can cry over PJ & Dozer, her cats, but that's just not me. ;) I don't know if she really cries over her cats, that'd just be awkward, but I told her I was working on a blog post and she asked what it was about.
I'm hoping the change I tried to put into effect regarding my patience is working. I try to be more patient with E since this is all a big change in her life, too. I try to not snap at her when she interrupts conversations, when she asks 67 times for the same thing, when she needs something 2 minutes after I sit down for the first time all day, etc.
Words
I decided I would keep track of how many words Mr N says today. We kept track of all of his words for a month before his speech evaluation, he had 14. "I got it" & "I did it" only count as one word because he was using them as one word, he didn't use any of the words independently.
~ I got it
~ dad
~ more
~ hot
~ I did it
~ up
~ jump
~ hi
~ no
~ stop
~ help
~ thank you
~ welcome
~ sorry
Today by the time he'd been awake an hour he'd already said 10 words, 2 of them were new words that he's never said before. Here is today's list:
~ cat
~ teeth (new word)
~ good boy
~ no more
~ nose
~ head
~ mouth (new word)
~ eye
~ milk
~ hi
~ what's that
~ bye
~ house (new word)
~ bug (new word)
~ down
~ hug (new word)
~ help
~ diaper
~ oops
~ inside
~ dad
~ who
~ eat
While in the bath this morning we did touch nose & touch head, he does so well with them, I decided I would add another part into the mix and did "touch mouth". He touched mouth and said mouth several times and added it in with touch head & touch nose.
The kids were eating breakfast and watching Shaun the Sheep, it's one of the few times during the day that they have time to watch TV anymore. I looked in and Mr N was picking marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms and putting them in E's mouth. She LOVES the marshmallows.
While the therapist was here today we were having some outside time and E said she wanted brother to hug her, typically she tries to hug him and he pushes her away. I told her to ask him for a hug, she did. He gave her a hug. My heart melted, seeing sibling love is so precious, seeing him respond to her was beautiful. She asked several more times and got more hugs. After a while, he would just put his arm around her waist and walk around with her. He even said "hug" when he wanted a hug from her. My little man is growing and blossoming.
Just to reiterate, he had 5 new words today. FIVE. Five new words in one day, he said 23 words today. It took a full month to get 14 words out of him before the evaluation. Progress.
Completely off topic, but I have the most amazing husband in the world. He stopped for milk on his way home and random other things, he got me Hot Tamales, they are my addiction. Then he came home and immediately helped me finish driving in the fence posts for my garden. He let me blog using his laptop while he finished driving the posts, my last 2 laptops no longer work as laptops, the wifi doesn't work on one of them, and the battery won't charge on the other. *sigh* We do not have a fence post driver so this was no easy task, I spent many hours today with a sledge hammer driving in fence posts that are a foot taller than me. My arms are so sore, my hand is hurty and I have a blister.
And finally a laugh at me moment....I was dragging the kids playground up the hill (not sure why I decided it should have been down the hill to begin with) and just as I got to the top both feet slipped out from under me and since I was dragging the playground behind me as I was walking forward, I fell flat on my face. ouch
~ I got it
~ dad
~ more
~ hot
~ I did it
~ up
~ jump
~ hi
~ no
~ stop
~ help
~ thank you
~ welcome
~ sorry
Today by the time he'd been awake an hour he'd already said 10 words, 2 of them were new words that he's never said before. Here is today's list:
~ cat
~ teeth (new word)
~ good boy
~ no more
~ nose
~ head
~ mouth (new word)
~ eye
~ milk
~ hi
~ what's that
~ bye
~ house (new word)
~ bug (new word)
~ down
~ hug (new word)
~ help
~ diaper
~ oops
~ inside
~ dad
~ who
~ eat
While in the bath this morning we did touch nose & touch head, he does so well with them, I decided I would add another part into the mix and did "touch mouth". He touched mouth and said mouth several times and added it in with touch head & touch nose.
The kids were eating breakfast and watching Shaun the Sheep, it's one of the few times during the day that they have time to watch TV anymore. I looked in and Mr N was picking marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms and putting them in E's mouth. She LOVES the marshmallows.
While the therapist was here today we were having some outside time and E said she wanted brother to hug her, typically she tries to hug him and he pushes her away. I told her to ask him for a hug, she did. He gave her a hug. My heart melted, seeing sibling love is so precious, seeing him respond to her was beautiful. She asked several more times and got more hugs. After a while, he would just put his arm around her waist and walk around with her. He even said "hug" when he wanted a hug from her. My little man is growing and blossoming.
Just to reiterate, he had 5 new words today. FIVE. Five new words in one day, he said 23 words today. It took a full month to get 14 words out of him before the evaluation. Progress.
Completely off topic, but I have the most amazing husband in the world. He stopped for milk on his way home and random other things, he got me Hot Tamales, they are my addiction. Then he came home and immediately helped me finish driving in the fence posts for my garden. He let me blog using his laptop while he finished driving the posts, my last 2 laptops no longer work as laptops, the wifi doesn't work on one of them, and the battery won't charge on the other. *sigh* We do not have a fence post driver so this was no easy task, I spent many hours today with a sledge hammer driving in fence posts that are a foot taller than me. My arms are so sore, my hand is hurty and I have a blister.
And finally a laugh at me moment....I was dragging the kids playground up the hill (not sure why I decided it should have been down the hill to begin with) and just as I got to the top both feet slipped out from under me and since I was dragging the playground behind me as I was walking forward, I fell flat on my face. ouch
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A book?
My bestie suggested I write a book. I kind of laughed. When I started this blog a few hours ago, I thought "a book? ha that is full of pages and words, where do you get all those words to fill all those pages?" haha
I apparently have a lot more to say, a lot more to relate than I realized. It feels good sharing all of this, all of these feelings I keep inside, sharing all of Mr N's accomplishments and progress. Bragging about my little miss and the funny things she says. Today she was playing with Mr N and said "I'm touching Mr N's paws". Hands and feet are frequently referred to as paws, I think it's adorable.
Today, I'm twisted and torn and confused about everything all over again. Desperately seeking answers, information, and solid statistics. Why don't they exist, why hasn't there been improvement in treatment for autism, why haven't they figured this out yet?
Despite this, I will go outside and play hula hoops, baseball, pull the kids in the wagon, because I have to believe all the interacting helps, it certainly can't hurt. I love my littles. <3
I apparently have a lot more to say, a lot more to relate than I realized. It feels good sharing all of this, all of these feelings I keep inside, sharing all of Mr N's accomplishments and progress. Bragging about my little miss and the funny things she says. Today she was playing with Mr N and said "I'm touching Mr N's paws". Hands and feet are frequently referred to as paws, I think it's adorable.
Today, I'm twisted and torn and confused about everything all over again. Desperately seeking answers, information, and solid statistics. Why don't they exist, why hasn't there been improvement in treatment for autism, why haven't they figured this out yet?
Despite this, I will go outside and play hula hoops, baseball, pull the kids in the wagon, because I have to believe all the interacting helps, it certainly can't hurt. I love my littles. <3
My Husband & my bestie
We've gotten mixed responses from family and close friends when informing them of Mr N's diagnosis. This has been extremely hard on me emotionally.
My husband, is my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my voice of reason, he is always calming my fears, and validating my feelings. He does his best to give me breaks when he's home and helps makes weekends relaxing and enjoyable, all the while constantly working with Mr N. He has been supportive of my weak self pitying moments, hasn't criticized my mommy guilt moments when I spend insane amounts of money on toys for the kids. If I find a toy that I think will help Mr N color match, learn his letters, numbers, interact with others, anything I think will be beneficial, I feel like I must buy it. Then I must also buy E something so that she does not get jealous. The mommy guilt is overwhelming at times. My poor little E wants her own teacher, but that has faded with time, she realizes the therapist lets her play with the toys she brings, she gets a lot of one on one mommy time while the therapist is working with little brother.
My husband is very determined to get our son the help he needs to help him succeed. He rented a couple of movies from the library, one was Autism Is A World. I cried like a baby through the entire documentary. Sue Rubin was diagnosed as autistic when she was 4, and was believed to be mentally retarded, as well, until she was 13. She was then able to communicate via a keyboard. This was heartbreaking and an inspiration to us to ensure that Mr N would have the resources he needed to communicate. The movie wasn't over for 5 minutes before Daddy got online and bought him an iPad so that Mr N would be able to use the Proloquo2Go app to communicate. Being the amazing husband and Daddy that he is, got E an iPad, too. We do not want her jealous or to resent her little brother. She is an amazing helper and instrumental in helping her brother learn through imitative and imaginative play, making sure she is happy and willing to help is important.
Ironically, Mr N's speech started improving drastically and he rarely uses the Proloquo2Go app but will occasionally use a free flash card app to communicate his desires to us. E on the other hand, loves her iPad and she is learning her sight words, and loves apps that read books to her.
My husband is amazing and makes me happier than I could ever imagine. Having such a strong supportive husband, who is hands on with the kids is a huge help. Despite recently finding out that Mr N has autism and all the struggles and stress that brings, our marriage is still as strong as ever and we are both incredibly happy. I'm a very lucky girl.
Onto my bestie....I've known her since we were 4 & 6 if my memory is accurate. We were friends all through our childhood, but not super close until our teen years. She's always been fun and silly and we can be stupid together. I don't think I expected the empathy, the support, the love, the sharing my joys, the right words at the right time that I've received from my bestie. She doesn't have children, I didn't think she'd be able to relate, I didn't think she'd be able to put herself in my shoes. I didn't think she'd understand the emotional toll this has taken on me. I didn't think she'd realize how devastating an autism diagnosis would have on me. But she has brought me to tears many times by the loving, kind things she has said. She ALWAYS asks about Mr N, always asks if he's said anything new, asks how therapy is going. She has been absolutely amazing.
There have been other people in my life who I thought would be more supportive, more understanding, better able to say the right thing. But where they fell short, my bestie more than picked up the slack. She is a truly remarkable person and a very dear friend.
This isn't to say my other friends haven't been supportive and great and amazing, but most of them have kids, which I think helps them better able to relate.
My husband, is my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my voice of reason, he is always calming my fears, and validating my feelings. He does his best to give me breaks when he's home and helps makes weekends relaxing and enjoyable, all the while constantly working with Mr N. He has been supportive of my weak self pitying moments, hasn't criticized my mommy guilt moments when I spend insane amounts of money on toys for the kids. If I find a toy that I think will help Mr N color match, learn his letters, numbers, interact with others, anything I think will be beneficial, I feel like I must buy it. Then I must also buy E something so that she does not get jealous. The mommy guilt is overwhelming at times. My poor little E wants her own teacher, but that has faded with time, she realizes the therapist lets her play with the toys she brings, she gets a lot of one on one mommy time while the therapist is working with little brother.
My husband is very determined to get our son the help he needs to help him succeed. He rented a couple of movies from the library, one was Autism Is A World. I cried like a baby through the entire documentary. Sue Rubin was diagnosed as autistic when she was 4, and was believed to be mentally retarded, as well, until she was 13. She was then able to communicate via a keyboard. This was heartbreaking and an inspiration to us to ensure that Mr N would have the resources he needed to communicate. The movie wasn't over for 5 minutes before Daddy got online and bought him an iPad so that Mr N would be able to use the Proloquo2Go app to communicate. Being the amazing husband and Daddy that he is, got E an iPad, too. We do not want her jealous or to resent her little brother. She is an amazing helper and instrumental in helping her brother learn through imitative and imaginative play, making sure she is happy and willing to help is important.
Ironically, Mr N's speech started improving drastically and he rarely uses the Proloquo2Go app but will occasionally use a free flash card app to communicate his desires to us. E on the other hand, loves her iPad and she is learning her sight words, and loves apps that read books to her.
My husband is amazing and makes me happier than I could ever imagine. Having such a strong supportive husband, who is hands on with the kids is a huge help. Despite recently finding out that Mr N has autism and all the struggles and stress that brings, our marriage is still as strong as ever and we are both incredibly happy. I'm a very lucky girl.
Onto my bestie....I've known her since we were 4 & 6 if my memory is accurate. We were friends all through our childhood, but not super close until our teen years. She's always been fun and silly and we can be stupid together. I don't think I expected the empathy, the support, the love, the sharing my joys, the right words at the right time that I've received from my bestie. She doesn't have children, I didn't think she'd be able to relate, I didn't think she'd be able to put herself in my shoes. I didn't think she'd understand the emotional toll this has taken on me. I didn't think she'd realize how devastating an autism diagnosis would have on me. But she has brought me to tears many times by the loving, kind things she has said. She ALWAYS asks about Mr N, always asks if he's said anything new, asks how therapy is going. She has been absolutely amazing.
There have been other people in my life who I thought would be more supportive, more understanding, better able to say the right thing. But where they fell short, my bestie more than picked up the slack. She is a truly remarkable person and a very dear friend.
This isn't to say my other friends haven't been supportive and great and amazing, but most of them have kids, which I think helps them better able to relate.
Socialization
I mentioned in my introduction that his socialization ended at 9 months. No one could hold him or touch him, he would rarely interact with anyone outside his immediate family.
In the last 2-3 weeks, he has began to initiate verbal contact with strangers. He'll say "hi" to people at the grocery store, which results in Mommy celebrating stupidly in front of strangers. I don't care, I don't care what people think, I happily dance around and say "good saying hi". Yesterday some friends stopped by, I had ran inside to get something and Mr N was outside, I heard him open the door and say "hi" as he let them in.
For those unfamiliar with Autism, much of the therapy and work done is really breaking everything down into very small, simple steps. Small phrases, small words as to not overwhelm the child. They have a difficult time weeding out the nonsense words and getting the point. With a normal functioning child you say "where's your nose? where's your mouth? where's your eyes? where's your head?", with autistic children that is far to difficult for them to process. So we do "touch head", "touch nose". Head and nose are two of Mr N's new words. He's got them down, he touches them and says the word. These baby steps are like moon landings for us. When praising him it works the same way, we say "good touch head, good touch nose". Everything is simplified. I'm sure this makes us look nuts in public, too. Again, this will not stop me from praising his every accomplishment.
I've been using the same techniques with E, even though she is normal functioning. It took only a few days of praising her sitting correctly vs scolding her w-sitting to get her broke of the habit. She hasn't w-sat in weeks. She still enjoys receiving praise from it and will point out when she sits correctly. Mr N also will say "good boy" if I don't immediately praise him for an accomplishment. It's cute as heck.
2 weeks ago my friend Tracy extended her arms to E for a hug, but Mr N ran up and hugged her. I'm not sure who it surprised more, me or her. She has been trying for 6 months to get a hug from him. I've been waiting for 20 months for him to let someone hold him again.
He is much quicker to play with my friend and her daughter, too. He warms right up and will play hide and seek, let them tickle him, let them pick him up, etc. <3
In the last 2-3 weeks, he has began to initiate verbal contact with strangers. He'll say "hi" to people at the grocery store, which results in Mommy celebrating stupidly in front of strangers. I don't care, I don't care what people think, I happily dance around and say "good saying hi". Yesterday some friends stopped by, I had ran inside to get something and Mr N was outside, I heard him open the door and say "hi" as he let them in.
For those unfamiliar with Autism, much of the therapy and work done is really breaking everything down into very small, simple steps. Small phrases, small words as to not overwhelm the child. They have a difficult time weeding out the nonsense words and getting the point. With a normal functioning child you say "where's your nose? where's your mouth? where's your eyes? where's your head?", with autistic children that is far to difficult for them to process. So we do "touch head", "touch nose". Head and nose are two of Mr N's new words. He's got them down, he touches them and says the word. These baby steps are like moon landings for us. When praising him it works the same way, we say "good touch head, good touch nose". Everything is simplified. I'm sure this makes us look nuts in public, too. Again, this will not stop me from praising his every accomplishment.
I've been using the same techniques with E, even though she is normal functioning. It took only a few days of praising her sitting correctly vs scolding her w-sitting to get her broke of the habit. She hasn't w-sat in weeks. She still enjoys receiving praise from it and will point out when she sits correctly. Mr N also will say "good boy" if I don't immediately praise him for an accomplishment. It's cute as heck.
2 weeks ago my friend Tracy extended her arms to E for a hug, but Mr N ran up and hugged her. I'm not sure who it surprised more, me or her. She has been trying for 6 months to get a hug from him. I've been waiting for 20 months for him to let someone hold him again.
He is much quicker to play with my friend and her daughter, too. He warms right up and will play hide and seek, let them tickle him, let them pick him up, etc. <3
Speech
I keep thinking I can stop talking for the day....but let's be real, I've got all this information bottled up in my head. I feel like I need to memorize every detail about Mr N, everything is so vitally important.
When Mr N had his speech evaluation in February they had us keep track of every word he said for about a month. He didn't have 20 words. I was shocked, I hadn't realized how much his speech had regressed. I'm thinking he had at least 50 at 15 months. What is wrong with me? How, as his mother, hadn't I realized how much he was regressing? Was it denial? Was I too consumed with all the other stress in my life that I just didn't notice? We just bought a house and the first 6 weeks we had contractors here every day. Was that too distracting? As soon as we got the diagnosis I regretted buying the house, how on earth were we supposed to make this house a home when we needed to make Mr N whole?
When the infant teacher was coming once a week is when Mr N had his first speech break through. She was teaching him "put in", he started saying "put in" a couple of days later. When she first started I would spend hours each day imitating what she had done with him, so set to expedite his recovery, to help him more. It seemed to help.
One Saturday about a week before the contractors were done working on the house, I had gone out to the garage to put the flooring in the bathroom, as it was required for the inspection in 6 days. I worked out there for a couple of hours while Mike kept the kids busy in the house. When I was finished I walked in the front door and Mr N said "mama". I cried and cried. My little man said "mama". It'd probably been more than a year since he'd lost that most precious word. My baby boy said "mama". My heart welled up with joy.
Every word he says is a beautiful miracle, I still rejoice and dance and praise him. He said at least 7 new words last week. Today he has said two new words. Each word is worthy of praise and celebration.
When Mr N had his speech evaluation in February they had us keep track of every word he said for about a month. He didn't have 20 words. I was shocked, I hadn't realized how much his speech had regressed. I'm thinking he had at least 50 at 15 months. What is wrong with me? How, as his mother, hadn't I realized how much he was regressing? Was it denial? Was I too consumed with all the other stress in my life that I just didn't notice? We just bought a house and the first 6 weeks we had contractors here every day. Was that too distracting? As soon as we got the diagnosis I regretted buying the house, how on earth were we supposed to make this house a home when we needed to make Mr N whole?
When the infant teacher was coming once a week is when Mr N had his first speech break through. She was teaching him "put in", he started saying "put in" a couple of days later. When she first started I would spend hours each day imitating what she had done with him, so set to expedite his recovery, to help him more. It seemed to help.
One Saturday about a week before the contractors were done working on the house, I had gone out to the garage to put the flooring in the bathroom, as it was required for the inspection in 6 days. I worked out there for a couple of hours while Mike kept the kids busy in the house. When I was finished I walked in the front door and Mr N said "mama". I cried and cried. My little man said "mama". It'd probably been more than a year since he'd lost that most precious word. My baby boy said "mama". My heart welled up with joy.
Every word he says is a beautiful miracle, I still rejoice and dance and praise him. He said at least 7 new words last week. Today he has said two new words. Each word is worthy of praise and celebration.
Randomness spewing from my brain
Yesterday I finished reading a book about a mother's journey through the autism world with her children. I was very disappointed. I didn't want to waste my time reading a book that didn't give me suggestions, solutions, answers and make life all better. Ask anyone who has listened to me, I've criticized the book much more than necessary. After all, here I am doing the same thing.
The book was written in the early 90s and much of the information in the book is inaccurate and recent studies do not back up the boasted success rates of the therapy mentioned in the book. Last night I was just completely confused and devastated all over again. 47% success rate seemed so promising, so hopeful, but what if that percentage is really only 10%? What will put my son in that 10%? What makes him more deserving of overcoming autism than the other thousands of children?
After getting the initial diagnosis, I was just so confused, everything happened so quickly, therapy was set up, I started reading websites, books, I needed to know everything I could. How could I expect to help my child if I wasn't an expert on his condition? One of my dear friends, Andrea, sent me a couple of books she had read on autism when she was working with kids on the spectrum. It took me a few weeks before I got around to opening the first one up, Overcoming Autism by Lynn Kern Koegel. I'm not even half way through it, I had to stop reading it, to read a book that Mr N's therapist was reading. His therapist is borrowing my book, so hopefully I can finish reading it soon.
To my point, the book that Andrea sent me gave me my first glimmer of hope for Mr N's future. There are practical suggestions, there are basically instructions on how to help your child. The results were astounding, I implemented what I was learning right away.
But our first set back was Mr N's first therapist, she had never worked with the autistic, she didn't have experience working with children, it became very apparent. My stress and anxiety levels were off the charts, how was this person supposed to help my child when he didn't like her, she seemed scared of him, I'm pretty sure she was afraid she was going to catch autism. By the end of her first week, I was done with her. I called her supervisor, I called the coordinating agency, my son would be better off with no therapy than with her. He was having nightmares, he wasn't sleeping, he was becoming aggressive, it was heartbreaking. There wasn't a replacement therapist ready to take on Mr N so we had a two week break from therapy. I was so nervous and yet eager for the new therapist to start, she was in training, which accounted for the nervousness, I didn't want a brand new person, I wanted his infant teacher back, she was very experienced and had accomplished great things in one hour a week. I contemplated hiring her privately if this new therapist didn't work out.
The minute I met his new therapist I knew everything would be ok. She had the confidence I needed, she immediately showed interest in Mr N and calmed my fears. I think this week marks week 5 of her working with him and it really shows. His social skills have improved immensely, he lets her hold his hand, he lets her touch him, he is letting other people touch him, his eye contact is sooo much better.
While I would love to give his therapist all the credit for all of his accomplishments, I honestly think some of his progress has stemmed from the work I've been doing with him based on what I read in the book that I haven't finished. His speech is improving daily. His new word today is "up". Lately when we walk up the stairs together I say "up" as we take each step, the 3rd time we went up the stairs today he started saying "up" about 2/3s the way up the stairs. Mommy was beaming with joy!
It has been 5 months since his diagnosis. 5 weeks of therapy. He is making progress. Every day I have to remind myself that he is making progress. He is making progress. He is making progress. He IS making progress. All of my other fears need to take the back seat while I focus on his progress. Focus on helping make that progress continue.
I still lay awake at night worrying that he'll regress and lose all of his words, all of his progress gone again, what is to stop it from happening? I'm pretty sure it has happened and does happen, but I'm so scared I can't even bring myself to read experiences of that happening right now. I'll try to keep future posts shorter and about the present and not so much of the past. I just felt like a lot of this information was necessary to start this blogventure.
The book was written in the early 90s and much of the information in the book is inaccurate and recent studies do not back up the boasted success rates of the therapy mentioned in the book. Last night I was just completely confused and devastated all over again. 47% success rate seemed so promising, so hopeful, but what if that percentage is really only 10%? What will put my son in that 10%? What makes him more deserving of overcoming autism than the other thousands of children?
After getting the initial diagnosis, I was just so confused, everything happened so quickly, therapy was set up, I started reading websites, books, I needed to know everything I could. How could I expect to help my child if I wasn't an expert on his condition? One of my dear friends, Andrea, sent me a couple of books she had read on autism when she was working with kids on the spectrum. It took me a few weeks before I got around to opening the first one up, Overcoming Autism by Lynn Kern Koegel. I'm not even half way through it, I had to stop reading it, to read a book that Mr N's therapist was reading. His therapist is borrowing my book, so hopefully I can finish reading it soon.
To my point, the book that Andrea sent me gave me my first glimmer of hope for Mr N's future. There are practical suggestions, there are basically instructions on how to help your child. The results were astounding, I implemented what I was learning right away.
But our first set back was Mr N's first therapist, she had never worked with the autistic, she didn't have experience working with children, it became very apparent. My stress and anxiety levels were off the charts, how was this person supposed to help my child when he didn't like her, she seemed scared of him, I'm pretty sure she was afraid she was going to catch autism. By the end of her first week, I was done with her. I called her supervisor, I called the coordinating agency, my son would be better off with no therapy than with her. He was having nightmares, he wasn't sleeping, he was becoming aggressive, it was heartbreaking. There wasn't a replacement therapist ready to take on Mr N so we had a two week break from therapy. I was so nervous and yet eager for the new therapist to start, she was in training, which accounted for the nervousness, I didn't want a brand new person, I wanted his infant teacher back, she was very experienced and had accomplished great things in one hour a week. I contemplated hiring her privately if this new therapist didn't work out.
The minute I met his new therapist I knew everything would be ok. She had the confidence I needed, she immediately showed interest in Mr N and calmed my fears. I think this week marks week 5 of her working with him and it really shows. His social skills have improved immensely, he lets her hold his hand, he lets her touch him, he is letting other people touch him, his eye contact is sooo much better.
While I would love to give his therapist all the credit for all of his accomplishments, I honestly think some of his progress has stemmed from the work I've been doing with him based on what I read in the book that I haven't finished. His speech is improving daily. His new word today is "up". Lately when we walk up the stairs together I say "up" as we take each step, the 3rd time we went up the stairs today he started saying "up" about 2/3s the way up the stairs. Mommy was beaming with joy!
It has been 5 months since his diagnosis. 5 weeks of therapy. He is making progress. Every day I have to remind myself that he is making progress. He is making progress. He is making progress. He IS making progress. All of my other fears need to take the back seat while I focus on his progress. Focus on helping make that progress continue.
I still lay awake at night worrying that he'll regress and lose all of his words, all of his progress gone again, what is to stop it from happening? I'm pretty sure it has happened and does happen, but I'm so scared I can't even bring myself to read experiences of that happening right now. I'll try to keep future posts shorter and about the present and not so much of the past. I just felt like a lot of this information was necessary to start this blogventure.
Blogging Day 1 ~ Introductions
My bestie suggested I write a book documenting the emotions and struggles in my life. That seems like a lot of work, so instead I decided on a blog. I don't know that I'll ever tell anyone about this little secret, but I do think sharing all of this will be therapeutic.
Let's start with my blog title, I wanted something to symbolize the insane roller coaster life has become for our family. I decided I needed a cup of coffee before embarking on this blog. There were, of course, grounds in my coffee, which instantly made me think of Carly Simon. Only as a child, I thought she was saying "browns in my coffee", which made it seem less tragic. It seemed fitting.
Introductions, shall we? I'm Mommy, my husband of almost 6 years, is, of course, Daddy, our two littles are E and Mr N; 4 and 2, respectively. E's a delightful and very intelligent young lady, who is very passionate about princesses, gardening and sticks. Mr N is our little cuddle bug who loves playing outside, blowing bubbles, and sticks. Thankfully we live in an area with a high stick population, the kids use them for various imaginative play and we go through several a day.
Mr N is really the motivation for my bloggingness. He was recently diagnosed with....dun dun dun...autism. Isn't it typically some catastrophic event in your life that motivates documentation of daily struggles?
I guess I should start from the very beginning, Mr N was born via c-section, Mommy had a very rough recovery requiring multiple visits back due to complications from the surgery. He was breech and refused to come out the old fashion way. He developed normally until about 9 months, what I thought was just normal separation anxiety became the beginning of some very concerning behavior. Mr N had been such a happy, easy going little guy, he'd let anyone hold him, was quick with a smile, a coo, and normal babbling. His speech continued to progress for several months, I wish I could remember precisely when more than the normal worrying began. At 9 months it was like a switch socially, he wouldn't let anyone hold him at all ever, except Mommy & Daddy. By his 15 month appointment his speech was a big enough concern that we voiced our concerns to his pediatrician and he was evaluated for speech therapy. At that time, his receptive speech was in the 16-18 month category, and expressive in the 12-15 month. He didn't qualify for any services due to being considered "advanced". As he got older he stopped eating normally, started mouthing velcro, carpet, chairs, things that really concerned us. At 23 months, he had diarrhea for several days, it'd go away and come back within a day, this went on for over a week so I took him to the on-call pediatrician and voiced all of my concerns regarding his love for velcro, his lack of speech, his lack of eating, and his drinking insane amounts of milk. She was less than helpful.
All through his early development I would express my concerns and discuss his delays, with my mom, with Daddy, on parenting boards, with friends, really with anyone who would listen. So many people brushed them aside, or tried to explain them away. I can't tell you how many times I heard "there is nothing wrong with him, stop worrying" or "I know a little boy that didn't talk until he was 3 and he started speaking in full sentences". Every parent of a child with autism has heard these same assurances. It even took several months before Daddy admitted that Mr N's behavior was concerning.
By the time he was 24 months, it was very clear that something was just not right. I took Mr N to his 2 year check up and we talked about his speech which had regressed so much, it really worried me, a lot. His social skills were so far off, but didn't know how to express that. Then the love for velcro, milk and lack of eating. During his appointment, I only mentioned the speech at first and the milk. She assured me that he would eat when he was hungry and not worry about his not eating. Then I brought up the velcro, the social awkwardness and she watched him for a few minutes, he was having a full meltdown, the dr's office was one of the worst places for him. He was full on arm flapping, in meltdown mode. She asked me if I had any thoughts on what was going on, with my eyes full of tears I said, something sensory, speech delay, and that a few people had asked me if he had autism. I fully expected her to say, it's not autism; but instead she said, autism is my concern, I'm going to refer him to be evaluated.
I'm pretty sure I cried the entire way home, every thing was a big blur. How on earth would I handle a special needs child? Would he completely lose his speech? Would I ever hear I love you? Would he ever say "mama" again? When was the last time he said "mama"? A year? 13 months? 15 months? I loved him so much, how did this happen? Isn't my love enough to conquer all?
His 2 year checkup had been in the beginning of December 2011, in January we had his intake assessment with the coordinator, Jeff. Daddy took the day off of work to be here for this very emotional day. Of course, Jeff mentioned all the red flags for autism that he saw Mr N displaying during the assessment, but then there was the tiny glimmer of hope that it might not be autism at all, he did have some speech, he did have some eye contact, it could be a sensory disorder & speech delay. I held on to that little tiny chance for quite a while.
Next up came his speech evaluation, he was 1 year 4 months in expressive speech, and 1 year 3 months in receptive speech. I was so excited to know he wasn't even a full year behind. I don't know why this made me so happy, but it gave me hope and relief. We had another meeting with Jeff to discuss the results of the testing he had done, and the results of the speech evaluation. Mr N's scores qualified him for an autism evaluation and some services through their center. We had an infant teacher come one day a week for one hour for the weeks leading up to his autism evaluation. She was our miracle worker, Mr N loved her, he would run to the door when she arrived, and walk her to the door when she left, waving to her as she drove away. He started increasing his number of words, instead of losing words, for the first time in a yearish. When he first started with the infant teacher, he would only last about 15 minutes before he'd be so overwhelmed that he'd want his milk and to lay down. After a couple of weeks he realized that he could just take a quick break, and then get back into it. This was HUGE! It really changed everything in him, he realized this worked not only with his teacher but in various aspects of his life.
Mr N's autism evaluation was almost 2 hours away, I got up early, he had an 8:00 appt. I just hoped he would be cooperative. We arrived a little early and sat outside the office waiting for the psychologist to arrive. I was on pins and needles, the kids were getting restless, we went outside and walked around for a bit, walked in the hallway a bit, finally, the doctor arrived. She welcomed us right in and the kids immediately started playing with all the toys. During our visit Mr N even indicated he wanted to use the potty. We hadn't started any kind of potty training, but sometimes he like to pee on the potty like a big boy, so we let him and praised him.
About 1 hour into his evaluation he wanted his milk and laid down in my lap. This typically was the end of his productiveness. I apologized to the doctor and excused ourselves and started packing up our stuff to go. I certainly didn't want to waste her valuable time while he settled in for a nap. As I was packing up and arranging to make the trip in again the following week, he finished his milk then got up and started playing again. Then he climbed back up to the table to finish the rest of the testing there. I was soooo proud! I thought that she would need to go over everything for weeks and decide whether or not he really qualified for autsim, but before we even left she said she was going to let Jeff know that she was diagnosing him with autism so we could begin services right away.
I was devastated, how could this be? Just look at him! He's sooooo cute, he's so lovable, he's so sweet, that isn't autism, he's an amazing little guy, how can you say he has autism? I called Daddy at work and asked him if we could come by and see him. I couldn't talk without tears spilling out of my eyes, plus the kids LOVE going to see Daddy.. But, of course, the kids both fell asleep before we got to Daddy's work, so we just talked in the parking lot as I told him the devastating news. He held me as I cried, once again mourning the loss of my son. Would he ever enjoy normal little boy stuff? Would he like to go fishing and hunting with his Daddy? Would he ever talk? Would he play baseball, ride a bike, drive a car, go on dates, get married, have kids, get a normal education, hold down a job? How was I going to handle this? Would I ever be able to go grocery shopping without a meltdown from sensory overload? Would I ever sit more than 5 minutes at meeting without having to take him outside?
Let's start with my blog title, I wanted something to symbolize the insane roller coaster life has become for our family. I decided I needed a cup of coffee before embarking on this blog. There were, of course, grounds in my coffee, which instantly made me think of Carly Simon. Only as a child, I thought she was saying "browns in my coffee", which made it seem less tragic. It seemed fitting.
Introductions, shall we? I'm Mommy, my husband of almost 6 years, is, of course, Daddy, our two littles are E and Mr N; 4 and 2, respectively. E's a delightful and very intelligent young lady, who is very passionate about princesses, gardening and sticks. Mr N is our little cuddle bug who loves playing outside, blowing bubbles, and sticks. Thankfully we live in an area with a high stick population, the kids use them for various imaginative play and we go through several a day.
Mr N is really the motivation for my bloggingness. He was recently diagnosed with....dun dun dun...autism. Isn't it typically some catastrophic event in your life that motivates documentation of daily struggles?
I guess I should start from the very beginning, Mr N was born via c-section, Mommy had a very rough recovery requiring multiple visits back due to complications from the surgery. He was breech and refused to come out the old fashion way. He developed normally until about 9 months, what I thought was just normal separation anxiety became the beginning of some very concerning behavior. Mr N had been such a happy, easy going little guy, he'd let anyone hold him, was quick with a smile, a coo, and normal babbling. His speech continued to progress for several months, I wish I could remember precisely when more than the normal worrying began. At 9 months it was like a switch socially, he wouldn't let anyone hold him at all ever, except Mommy & Daddy. By his 15 month appointment his speech was a big enough concern that we voiced our concerns to his pediatrician and he was evaluated for speech therapy. At that time, his receptive speech was in the 16-18 month category, and expressive in the 12-15 month. He didn't qualify for any services due to being considered "advanced". As he got older he stopped eating normally, started mouthing velcro, carpet, chairs, things that really concerned us. At 23 months, he had diarrhea for several days, it'd go away and come back within a day, this went on for over a week so I took him to the on-call pediatrician and voiced all of my concerns regarding his love for velcro, his lack of speech, his lack of eating, and his drinking insane amounts of milk. She was less than helpful.
All through his early development I would express my concerns and discuss his delays, with my mom, with Daddy, on parenting boards, with friends, really with anyone who would listen. So many people brushed them aside, or tried to explain them away. I can't tell you how many times I heard "there is nothing wrong with him, stop worrying" or "I know a little boy that didn't talk until he was 3 and he started speaking in full sentences". Every parent of a child with autism has heard these same assurances. It even took several months before Daddy admitted that Mr N's behavior was concerning.
By the time he was 24 months, it was very clear that something was just not right. I took Mr N to his 2 year check up and we talked about his speech which had regressed so much, it really worried me, a lot. His social skills were so far off, but didn't know how to express that. Then the love for velcro, milk and lack of eating. During his appointment, I only mentioned the speech at first and the milk. She assured me that he would eat when he was hungry and not worry about his not eating. Then I brought up the velcro, the social awkwardness and she watched him for a few minutes, he was having a full meltdown, the dr's office was one of the worst places for him. He was full on arm flapping, in meltdown mode. She asked me if I had any thoughts on what was going on, with my eyes full of tears I said, something sensory, speech delay, and that a few people had asked me if he had autism. I fully expected her to say, it's not autism; but instead she said, autism is my concern, I'm going to refer him to be evaluated.
I'm pretty sure I cried the entire way home, every thing was a big blur. How on earth would I handle a special needs child? Would he completely lose his speech? Would I ever hear I love you? Would he ever say "mama" again? When was the last time he said "mama"? A year? 13 months? 15 months? I loved him so much, how did this happen? Isn't my love enough to conquer all?
His 2 year checkup had been in the beginning of December 2011, in January we had his intake assessment with the coordinator, Jeff. Daddy took the day off of work to be here for this very emotional day. Of course, Jeff mentioned all the red flags for autism that he saw Mr N displaying during the assessment, but then there was the tiny glimmer of hope that it might not be autism at all, he did have some speech, he did have some eye contact, it could be a sensory disorder & speech delay. I held on to that little tiny chance for quite a while.
Next up came his speech evaluation, he was 1 year 4 months in expressive speech, and 1 year 3 months in receptive speech. I was so excited to know he wasn't even a full year behind. I don't know why this made me so happy, but it gave me hope and relief. We had another meeting with Jeff to discuss the results of the testing he had done, and the results of the speech evaluation. Mr N's scores qualified him for an autism evaluation and some services through their center. We had an infant teacher come one day a week for one hour for the weeks leading up to his autism evaluation. She was our miracle worker, Mr N loved her, he would run to the door when she arrived, and walk her to the door when she left, waving to her as she drove away. He started increasing his number of words, instead of losing words, for the first time in a yearish. When he first started with the infant teacher, he would only last about 15 minutes before he'd be so overwhelmed that he'd want his milk and to lay down. After a couple of weeks he realized that he could just take a quick break, and then get back into it. This was HUGE! It really changed everything in him, he realized this worked not only with his teacher but in various aspects of his life.
Mr N's autism evaluation was almost 2 hours away, I got up early, he had an 8:00 appt. I just hoped he would be cooperative. We arrived a little early and sat outside the office waiting for the psychologist to arrive. I was on pins and needles, the kids were getting restless, we went outside and walked around for a bit, walked in the hallway a bit, finally, the doctor arrived. She welcomed us right in and the kids immediately started playing with all the toys. During our visit Mr N even indicated he wanted to use the potty. We hadn't started any kind of potty training, but sometimes he like to pee on the potty like a big boy, so we let him and praised him.
About 1 hour into his evaluation he wanted his milk and laid down in my lap. This typically was the end of his productiveness. I apologized to the doctor and excused ourselves and started packing up our stuff to go. I certainly didn't want to waste her valuable time while he settled in for a nap. As I was packing up and arranging to make the trip in again the following week, he finished his milk then got up and started playing again. Then he climbed back up to the table to finish the rest of the testing there. I was soooo proud! I thought that she would need to go over everything for weeks and decide whether or not he really qualified for autsim, but before we even left she said she was going to let Jeff know that she was diagnosing him with autism so we could begin services right away.
I was devastated, how could this be? Just look at him! He's sooooo cute, he's so lovable, he's so sweet, that isn't autism, he's an amazing little guy, how can you say he has autism? I called Daddy at work and asked him if we could come by and see him. I couldn't talk without tears spilling out of my eyes, plus the kids LOVE going to see Daddy.. But, of course, the kids both fell asleep before we got to Daddy's work, so we just talked in the parking lot as I told him the devastating news. He held me as I cried, once again mourning the loss of my son. Would he ever enjoy normal little boy stuff? Would he like to go fishing and hunting with his Daddy? Would he ever talk? Would he play baseball, ride a bike, drive a car, go on dates, get married, have kids, get a normal education, hold down a job? How was I going to handle this? Would I ever be able to go grocery shopping without a meltdown from sensory overload? Would I ever sit more than 5 minutes at meeting without having to take him outside?
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