Getting through

Yesterday Mr N's therapist relayed some information she'd gotten from a dinner she had Friday night with some more experienced therapists. They said in order for Mr N to have a break through and really start progressing, I need to just leave him alone with the therapist and let him scream. How does one bring oneself to this point? How do you let your child scream in terror wondering if you've abandoned him? His therapist said that as a therapist she understands that it needs to be done, but as a parent she wouldn't be able to do it either.

Why does it all have to be so hard? Why isn't there some magic easy solution to helping my precious little? Why does he seem to be regressing in therapy? He was spending 20+ minutes with his therapist without me in the room, yesterday it was 8 minutes total. Maybe I need to work harder on doing something completely boring when he is in therapy. Guess today is a good day to work on my curtains.

She also discussed his napping with the other therapists. He used to take a two hour nap from 11:30-1:30 every day. When therapy started he stopped napping at his usual time. I personally think he is just outgrowing naps, E stopped napping around 15 months and my 18 month old niece is about done with naps. I don't think giving up naps at nearly 2.5 is that far outside the realm of possibilities. But they disagreed. The other thing they discussed is that Mr N used to wake up screaming in pain from naps almost every day for months. He stopped probably 2 maybe 3 months ago. In the last week he has done it again 2-3 times, but he's not really napping, he'll briefly fall asleep then wake up screaming. Their thinking is that he is screaming to keep mommy holding him. Again I disagree. I don't think it's some master manipulation on his part to get me to hold him. I love holding him, I hold him all the time without him screaming. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will soon pass. My first thought is it's food related, it seems he wakes up screaming more on days when he hasn't eaten as much.

Today is my once a month grocery shopping today, I'm not going. I don't have the energy that requires today. I'll procrastinate until next week.

I used to make homemade dinner every night for the hubby, I have not done that but maybe twice since therapy started. I need to figure something out so that my husband is fed without having to eat frozen pizzas and hotdogs every night. I was making crock pot meals for a while, maybe I should get back to that. It certainly doesn't help that I have the worst kitchen I've ever had to work with, I'm looking forward to the kitchen remodel, even though it ranks after the downstairs bathroom, and the kids' room.

My thoughts are so scattered today. I need an easy button.

This morning Elephant, our cat, came into the bathroom while we were brushing our teeth and Mr N started meowing and saying cat. He loves tormenting the cat, since Elephant doesn't run away he must not mind too much. "meow" and "moo" are his only two animal sounds that I can think of that he says. I feel like I'm so in the world of autism that I don't even know what normal milestones are for this age, what should he be doing? I just googled it. I shouldn't have. The only area he seems on track is gross & fine motor. At least he is improving. He asks questions now, he says "what's that?", "who?", and "who's that?". Hopefully that is worth something, hopefully it progresses into more talking and more appropriate social skills.

Daily I work on "I love you", I know that is 3 new words strung together, I know it's expecting a lot, but my heart would be so happy to hear those precious words. For now, I'll just be satisfied with his sweet kisses, cuddles and baby bear hugs.

I need to head outside and play with the kids in the sun, I'm pretty sure the sunshine has healing powers.